


i can feel your heart beat through my shirt

by airplanewishes



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Kim Joonmyun | Suho/Choi Jinri | Sulli, Lu Han/Zhang Yixing | Lay, M/M, Minor Baekhyun/Chanyeol, Minor Chanyeol/Kyungsoo, Past Chanyeol/Jongin, Romance, Strangers to Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 11:32:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8444197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airplanewishes/pseuds/airplanewishes
Summary: Chanyeol's looking for something he doesn't know. Jongdae hands him a map and his heart as a compass.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Ginny, Lonio, Belle, and Ilana for all the help and encouragement you've given me while I was writing this fic, as well as everyone else who suffered through all my whining. ♡

Chanyeol opens the door just wide enough to peek in and walks in only after making sure that the coast is clear. He closes the door like it’s an antique and slips out of his shoes and shrugs out of his jacket as he prepares to tiptoe across the apartment to his bedroom. It’s not that long of a walk and it’s not that hard of a distance to cover. Joonmyun is probably still asleep, which means there’s really nothing he should be worried about. If Joonmyun is asleep then he doesn’t have to explain—  
  
“Is this the ‘walk of shame’ that Joonmyun always tells me about?” Jinri is standing behind the kitchen counter, looking too pretty for 6 o’clock in the morning with her long dark hair in a bun and a ladle and a smirk on hand.  
  
Chanyeol sags into himself and hunches as he gives up whatever excuse he thinks of and walks to the kitchen to slump on a stool. “Please tell me he’s still sleeping,” he mutters, resting his chin on the cold marble counter to watch Jinri mix what seems to be pancake batter.  
  
Jinri fiddles with the tie of the flowery pink and yellow apron behind her back and Chanyeol smiles a little because she’s always making sure that everything’s in place. “Just because he’s still sleeping doesn’t mean he won’t know what time you came in,” she tells him, rolling her eyes. She stops mixing and picks up the bowl to start putting them in the pan.  
  
“Because you’ll tell him,” Chanyeol responds with a sigh, resting his cheek on the counter instead. He closes his eyes as he feels how tired he is. It’s like every bone in his body is aching and he knows it’s not just because he’s been playing basketball with Yixing every day for the past two weeks.  
  
“Because he’s Joonmyun,” Jinri corrects him as she places a plate of two pancakes in front of him before going back to the stove. “And because you’ll end up telling him anyway. You always do.”  
  
“Why am I friends with either of you?” Chanyeol murmurs, keeping his eyes closed. “I should have gotten my own apartment. I really didn’t need to live with Joonmyun. You, on the other hand…” He opens his eyes when Jinri starts carding her fingers through his hair, which, he thinks, she shouldn’t touch because he hasn’t showered. She always used to do this when she thought there was too much on his mind. But then she started dating and then some things changed.  
  
“I don’t need to live with Joonmyun,” she tells him, smiling that smile that means humoring him. She takes the stool beside him, her hand not leaving his hair. “And you’re friends with us because you love us and we love you, and if it wouldn’t be weird, you’d live with him even after college.” Her hand falls to his neck and she sighs. “So who’s this guy? Is it the same one as last week?”  
  
“No. Just some guy,” he answers. In truth, Chanyeol isn’t sure. All he knows is that his name starts with an H. Hyunsik? Hyunbin? Hyunjin? He’s Zitao’s friend and Chanyeol’s only ever really talked to him once before last night happened.  
  
“Chanyeol.” Jinri’s voice is soothing and considerate despite the disapproval. Chanyeol can hear the _you can do so much better_ even if she never actually says it.  
  
He knows he can do so much better. In fact, he had been doing so much better for a while, and Chanyeol thought he was going to do a lot better after that. But dreams change and things change and before he knew it, he was alone. Chanyeol doesn’t even really remember who broke up with whom just that Jongin had left crying because Chanyeol couldn’t understand why Jongin had to leave him to chase after something he loved when Jongin supposedly loved him, too.  
  
“I’m not going to do this forever,” Chanyeol assures her. “Because, you know, I don’t want to be some old man still asking friends for dates and, you know, sleeping around. That would be gross.” Jinri fixes him with a look and then lightly slaps his cheek, but hard enough that he winces. “I was kidding!”  
  
“Go eat breakfast,” Jinri tells him as she gets up. “I’m going to wake Joonmyun up. He has a class at 10.” She sighs. “And please go take a shower. You stink.”  
  
Chanyeol glances at the clock hanging above the television in the living room and groans. It’s almost 7 o’clock. His first class of the day is at 7:30 and even though he’s not really up for it, he has to go because it’s his favorite class and he doesn’t ever want to miss that. He’ll probably be late though. He hears the door of Joonmyun’s room close and tries not to feel so alone in the quiet apartment.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It’s raining and there are so many people rushing to get to class that he can’t even sprint because he’s forgotten his umbrella. Chanyeol hates coming home in the early morning because that means he slept over and means that he’s going to be late for class, which just indicates that his day is going to be a rough one. When a day never starts out right for him, which is normally when he starts late, everything just goes wrong.  
  
Chanyeol suppresses a groan as someone swipes past him and kind of shoves him. He clenches his fists for a second too long before letting it go and bends over to get his books that fell into a puddle. He picks up what’s left of one of his books and shakes the water off it before reaching for the other one but a different hand gets to it first. He straightens up and sees a guy half a head shorter than him with dark brown pushed back hair that shows off his attractive forehead, nice brown eyes and a wide smile.  
  
“Sorry about that,” is what he says when he returns Chanyeol’s book.  
  
“Were you the one who shoved past me?” Chanyeol asks, his face scrunching when he sees the pages of his books wet. He holds them in his hands, careful not to get his shirt wet from them.  
  
“No,” he answers.  
  
“Then why are you saying sorry?” Chanyeol wants to know, eyes moving from his books to this sort-of stranger whom he thinks he might have seen in a party somewhere or is probably friends with one of his friends.  
  
“Because someone has to,” he tells him with a laugh. “You look upset.”  
  
“Yes, well books cost a lot of money,” Chanyeol tells him, trying not to sound like he’s about to cry because he loves his history books so much he’s even put the plastic covers on them himself. Not like Joonmyun who had Jinri to do it for him even when he didn’t ask. Chanyeol looks at him again, eyes tracing his face until they land on the corner of his lips that have this little upwards curl to them. “Do we know each other from somewhere?” He pauses for a second when he realizes what that sounded like. “I swear that’s not a pick up line. You just look really familiar.”  
  
The stranger laughs and it’s sharp, the kind that could be grating when he’s not in the mood. On the other hand, it’s also the kind Chanyeol wouldn’t mind hearing everyday. He shakes his head and mentally frowns at his brain.  
  
“I think we’ve played against each other during basketball,” the stranger explains. “I’m in Minseok’s class. Minseok is—“  
  
“Yixing’s friend,” Chanyeol finishes for him, his eyes lighting up with recognition. He’s that guy who kept on shooting three-pointers, which made them lose because Sehun is actually shit at blocking even guys shorter than him.  
  
“Technically, Minseok is Lu Han’s friend, but yes I guess they’re friends now, too,” he says with a laugh. Chanyeol is wondering why he’s laughing so much. Chanyeol has always been told that he laughs too much and now he’s starting to think this guy laughs more than him. “I’m Jongdae,” he introduces himself, shifting his backpack as he looks over his shoulder. “I have to go, but it was nice bumping into you.” He turns and waves and Chanyeol waves back. “I’m sorry about your books,” he yells before disappearing through a clump of trees that line the business building.  
  
Chanyeol sighs as he flips through his books, careful not to rip the wet and delicate pages. He’s going to have to borrow Jinri’s hairdryer for this, which sucks because the pages will be all wrinkly and he’ll probably pout whenever he uses them because he hates it when things aren’t just right. He’ll have to deal with it though. It’s not like he can afford new copies. Besides, that would be a waste. He catches his bag before it falls off his shoulder and absently glances in the direction Jongdae went before heading towards his next class.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“Are you okay?” Lu Han demands before Chanyeol can even put his bag on the floor and sit down. “It’s the second time you’ve been late to class this week. Yesterday _and_ today.”  
  
Joonmyun looks up from where he and Yixing are huddled over a textbook. There’s that quirk of Joonmyun’s eyebrow that tells Chanyeol that Joonmyun knows what’s going on. Chanyeol never said anything, as they really haven’t seen much of each other since yesterday morning. Chanyeol slept over at Zitao’s the previous evening because he didn’t want to do the _walk_ twice in a row. Jinri probably told Joonmyun, though, because those two talk about everything. Chanyeol sighs in his seat, thinking about everything that’s happened since yesterday morning when he remembers one good thing.  
  
“Hey,” Chanyeol says, straightening up and poking Yixing on the hand. “I bumped into Jongdae yesterday.”  
  
Yixing looks at him. So does Lu Han. “Kim Jongdae?” Lu Han says, stopping Yixing from even opening his mouth. “Where did you bump into him?”  
  
“On my way to class,” Chanyeol says. He leans across the table, completely disrupting whatever it was that Joonmyun and Yixing were discussing earlier. Joonmyun sighs and takes his phone out. “Hey, do you think we could—“  
  
“No,” Lu Han speaks up again before Chanyeol can finish his sentence or before Yixing can even realize that Chanyeol is talking to him again. “No, you can’t ask him out or hang out with him or whatever it is that you call it these days.”  
  
“I think it’s still called ‘asking out,’” Chanyeol tells him, one side of his lips lifting up in amusement. “But how do you even know that’s what I was going to say? I don’t even know the guy.”  
  
“Like that’s ever stopped you before,” Lu Han scoffs. “Zitao may offer his friends to you like animal sacrifices, but Jongdae is a really good friend and I’m not going to let you just sleep with him,” Lu Han finishes.  
  
In truth, Chanyeol just really wanted to ask if they could all play basketball again, but he doesn’t say anything, refusing to sound defensive. Lu Han didn’t say anything that was remotely a lie anyway. He leans back on his seat and fiddles with the hem of his red t-shirt. He knows what Lu Han is saying; everyone does because it’s really no secret that he dates around to keep himself distracted. But it’s not like he hurts the ones that he sleeps with. He’s not that bad. But Lu Han’s words sting like that’s the case and make him wonder what else he could do to keep himself from feeling so empty.  
  
He looks up from where he’s been twisting his fingers on his lap and meets a concerned Joonmyun’s gaze. “Jinri’s in the library,” he suddenly tells Chanyeol, pushing the stack of books sitting in front of him. “She needs these, but I have to finish something with Yixing so you should go there and give them to her.”  
  
Chanyeol takes them without a word, nodding his appreciation to Joonmyun before forcing a smile towards Lu Han and Yixing, who smile at him apologetically. Chanyeol returns his smile, a wider one. He knows that Lu Han means well, so he doesn’t really take much offense to his words.  
  
He gets to the library without much fanfare. The rain has stopped and there are fewer people on campus since most classes have ended. Jinri is at one of the tables by the entrance and he makes his way over as fast as he can because carrying five hardbound books is no easy feat, especially when he has two textbooks in his backpack as well.  
  
“What’s with you and carrying books around?”  
  
“It’s good exercise,” Chanyeol answers without missing a beat before turning around. Jongdae is standing there with the same smile he saw from him the day before. “I see you taking a page from my book,” he adds, raising his eyebrows at the books that Jongdae has in his hands.  
  
“It’s pretty necessary if I want to graduate,” Jongdae returns, nodding towards him. “So… it must be fun studying sex.”  
  
Chanyeol almost drops the books he's holding when he realizes that they’re all medical references about the reproductive system. “I’m a history major,” he blurts out.  
  
“So you study it for tips?” Jongdae grins. “Pretty serious if you’re getting into the science of things.”  
  
Chanyeol coughs, bowing his head to hide that fact that his face is heating up really badly. “Why not, right?” he says, trying for a wide smile. Jongdae chuckles and shakes his head. He’s going to have a talk with Jinri later on, and Joonmyun for that matter. The last thing he wants is for the new people he meets to have a bad impression of him right off the bat.  
  
“I’ll see you around,” Jongdae says, nodding his head towards the library entrance. “Maybe you can regale me with things you’ve learned some time.” He walks away, still laughing, and making Chanyeol just want to bury his face in the books that are causing his downfall.  
  
“Who was that?” Jinri asks when Chanyeol sinks into the seat across from her. He pushes the books in her direction and buries his face in his arms.  
  
“What are you even doing research on?” Chanyeol complains instead.  
  
“I doubt you really want to know,” Jinri says. When Chanyeol doesn’t say anything because he’s too busy trying to disappear, she closes her laptop and leans on the table. “He’s cute.”  
  
Chanyeol chokes and looks at her, his chin resting on his arms. “Is this how it’s going to be every time I meet a guy?” He’s pouting because he has a right to be pouting. No one gives him any credit anymore. He knows better than to date and sleep with someone who’s probably going to be around because they have so many common friends. Anyone he’s ever gone out with or slept with someone he made sure he’d have a very slim chance of coming across on a regular basis.  
  
“I can’t comment on whether a guy is attractive or not anymore?” Jinri asks, sounding innocent but Chanyeol can see the smile lurking behind her pink lips. “He really is cute.”  
  
“Don’t let Joonmyun hear you say that,” Chanyeol mutters, closing his eyes. He’s just so tired these days.  
  
“He won’t, seeing as he isn’t here,” Jinri retorts. She leans back on her seat and crosses her arms on her chest, as if to say ‘so there’.  
  
Chanyeol is eerily reminded of all the other times when Jinri won every argument, no matter how small or petty, and how she smiled at him the way she’s smiling now, smug and annoying.  
  
“On the contrary, I _am_ here,” Joonmyun says, coming around the table to place a kiss on the crown of her head before Chanyeol can come up with something to say. “And I did hear that,” he adds when he sits down beside her. Jinri just grins at him. “I’ve known him for a while.”  
  
“So?” Jinri responds, opening up her laptop again.  
  
“Which means I saw him first, which _means_ I found him cute _first_ ,” Joonmyun explains. Jinri bursts into laughter just as Joonmyun does.  
  
“You guys are gross,” Chanyeol comments, wrinkling his nose before burying his face in his arms. He really wonders how he’s managed to stay friends with them throughout all the years they’ve been dating.  
  
The three of them have been friends since they were in high school, although Chanyeol has known Joonmyun since he was about 10 years old. Chanyeol has always lived in the nicer parts of Seoul, but it was only around that age that he moved to a house in Gangnam because his father had been promoted. Jinri, however, was in Chanyeol's sophomore high school class. She was incredibly pretty, even back then when her hair was shorter and she was chubbier. Dating her had crossed Chanyeol's mind more than once, and he would have, too, if he hadn't accidentally realized he was interested in boys when he'd kissed one in a game of truth or dare. But the way they became friends was because Jinri and Joonmyun ended up on the school paper together, which Chanyeol got roped in to do graphics for.  
  
Even before Joonmyun and Jinri started dating, they'd gotten really close. It would have been a problem if it weren't for the fact that every time Chanyeol started to get jealous, the three of them would suddenly have plans to hang out or go somewhere together. Chanyeol really needn't have worried; Joonmyun has always been good at making sure that he doesn’t make people feel left out. Even now that he and Jinri have been dating for three years, Chanyeol hasn't once felt that he was on the outside.  
  
If he doesn't count all the times when Joonmyun and Jinri become all cheesy and gross at least.  
  
"Seriously, he is cute," Jinri insists, giving Joonmyun a fond smile when he reaches out and interlaces their fingers on top of the table. Chanyeol fights the urge to roll his eyes. He never thought of Jinri as sappy, but Joonmyun just infects everyone with his sappiness. "Who is he?"  
  
"Someone who I'm not going to date, and not just because Lu Han would chop my balls off if I do," Chanyeol declares, slumping against the wooden desk.  
  
"About that," Joonmyun starts, squeezing Jinri's hand before letting go. He reaches into his pocket before sliding a piece of paper across the table. "Lu Han wanted you to have this as some sort of apology."  
  
Chanyeol snorts but takes the piece of paper and unfolds it. _Larcy's, 7PM_ He furrows his eyebrows and looks at Joonmyun, quirking an eyebrow up in question. "Pretty fancy way of apologizing," he finally speaks up. "It's not like he has to apologize."  
  
"It's the next speed dating venue," Joonmyun clarifies, startling Chanyeol to the point of almost knocking the chair beside him down. "It's pretty exclusive from what I hear. Lu Han said to specifically mention that you wouldn't meet any weirdos there." He smiles that smile where he's trying to be apologetic and encouraging at the same time and Chanyeol just sighs. Joonmyun is only trying to help.  
  
"So have I been meeting only weirdos all this time?" Chanyeol mutters, folding the paper back up and slipping it into his jeans pocket. Which isn't really far from the truth when he thinks about it. The guys he's hooked up with don't have the most excellent of records. They're guys Chanyeol wouldn't be caught hanging out with pre-Jongin. Post-Jongin, however, he doesn't really care. He's not sure there are any more guys like Jongin out there.  
  
"Chanyeol." This time it's Jinri who reaches out across the table for his hand. "We're not saying that Zitao's friends aren't good guys," she continues. "But it won't hurt to try this out. Victoria met Changmin through speed dating and they've been together for a year now."  
  
"Yeah, but--" Chanyeol isn't sure why he's hesitating. It's true that he's asked Zitao for help in meeting up some guys, the best ones he can find who are okay with having no strings attached, so he shouldn't have any problem with other people offering their help. He just doesn't want to seem desperate. It's not like he's looking to fall in love. He's just working on getting the perks of having someone without actually _being with_ someone. "I don't do _dating_."  
  
"Maybe it's about time you did. Instead of just finding guys to sleep with," Jinri suggests with a comforting and gentle smile. "Didn't Zitao and Sehun also meet through some speed dating thing?" she asks, turning to Joonmyun.  
  
"And look at how that turned out," Chanyeol mumbles. Zitao and Sehun did date for a while after meeting through a dating event that, ironically, Lu Han had set up. It went well for a while, Zitao and Sehun acting like lovebirds on their honeymoon until things went downhill.  
  
"They're still friends," Jinri reminds him.  
  
"It's just one time, Chanyeol," Joonmyun encourages when Chanyeol sighs his hand back from Jinri and placing it on his lap. "How different can it be from Zitao setting you up with his friends?"  
  
A lot different. Because really, Chanyeol isn't looking for much when he meets up with Zitao's friends. He knows there's nothing to find. Going on speed dating is still going dating and that could spell trouble.  
  
"Just once," Chanyeol gives in, leaning back on his seat and staring up at the ceiling as his friends grin. What has he got to lose anyway? Because he's certainly sure he isn't going to gain much.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"What the fuck am I doing here?" Chanyeol mutters under his breath as he walks into the establishment where the speed dating is supposed to take place.  
  
Everything is pink; pink signs, pink menu, pink chairs, pink cupcakes. Chanyeol doesn't even notice that the walls are a pale blue, that there's a an assortment of white and colored seats, that the sofas are brown, or that the tables are white marble. Everything is just _pink_ and he doesn't understand what he's doing there.  
  
There are several people already inside as he puts his name down on the sign-up sheet, all male to Chanyeol's relief. He'd probably strangle Lu Han or hit his face with a basketball if he ever so much as thought of making him date a girl. Jinri was the last girl he was interested in and he would like her to be the last.  
  
"Chanyeol! You came! You're actually here!" Yixing's dimple deepens when he's amused and Chanyeol can only guess that he's very much so at the moment.  
  
"Are you running this thing with Lu Han?" Chanyeol says, trying not to sound spiteful. Of all the people he would have thought to be behind this, Yixing would have been the last on his list. Yixing is usually so... normal _and_ Chanyeol thought Yixing was the kind of person who believed in letting things take their course and falling in love. But he supposes looks can really be deceiving.  
  
"Come with me," Yixing tells him, wrapping his fingers around Chanyeol's wrist and pulling him away towards the stairs, instead of answering his question.  
  
The second floor seems even pinker and Chanyeol somewhat recoils at the sight of it, almost removing his wrist from Yixing's grasp. He's really going to have a talk with Lu Han about forcing him to attend events just because he wants Chanyeol to stay away from his friends, on top of _trying_ to set him up with someone.  
  
"Chanyeol, this is Baekhyun," Yixing's voice seeps into Chanyeol's brain. "Baekhyun, this is Chanyeol."  
  
Chanyeol stands there, brow furrowed, because the man now standing before him with an attractive forehead, high cheekbones and curling lips is definitely not named Baekhyun.  
  
"Is your name really Baekhyun and you just didn't tell me?" Chanyeol blinks at him and then at Yixing, who has started laughing rather breathlessly, hands covering his mouth. It would be cute if Chanyeol didn't feel like he's being made fun of.  
  
"Jondgae," Yixing greets him, eyes wide now as he looks around. "Where's Baekhyun?"  
  
Jongdae scratches the back of his neck and laughs that sharp laugh that Chanyeol first got to know. "He went downstairs," he explains. Yixing skips off downstairs to find him, making Chanyeol stay with Jongdae. "Sorry," he starts when they're left alone. "I'm not really supposed to be here."  
  
Chanyeol narrows his eyes, lips quirking slightly as he tries not to smirk. "Are you here as my blind date?" He wiggles his eyebrows up and down. "And you just decided to change your name so I wouldn't freak out that it's you?" He grins when Jongdae scoffs.  
  
"Why would you freak out if it's me?" Jongdae declares, puffing his chest out. "I'm Kim fucking Jongdae. I'm the perfect person to date."  
  
Jongdae is wearing a dark gray Iron Man shirt with black fitted jeans and Chanyeol thinks that _might_ be close to the truth. But Chanyeol wouldn't say so or even entertain the idea because there's a reason he's here, because Lu Han thinks he needs to be distracted from maybe wanting to ask Jongdae out when Chanyeol never even thought about it in the first place. And he wouldn't allow himself to continue such thoughts any further.  
  
"And yet, you're here," Chanyeol says, gesturing to their too pink surroundings.  
  
"I have an alibi," Jongdae is quick to defend himself with another laugh. "Baekhyun wanted me to tag along so he wouldn't look like a loser going speed dating--not that people who go speed dating are losers." He chuckles at his careless slip and Chanyeol can't help but think that if it were anyone else, he would've lunged at him already and wrapped an arm around his neck. But then he and Jongdae are still practically strangers who come across each other every now and then.  
  
Before Chanyeol can come up with a quick retort, there are heavy steps blundering up the stairs and a voice yelling, "I am not a loser!"  
  
There are many words Chanyeol could use to describe Byun Baekhyun, like how sleepy-looking his eyes are, or how pink his lips are, or how his smile is too square, or the way he turns even cuter when he laughs. But he thinks the best way to describe Baekhyun is grating. In an endearing kind of way.  
  
They've barely spent an hour together and Baekhyun has already gone through his whole university experience--all three and almost a half years of it--as well as a tiny bit of his high school life. Apparently, he's known a couple of the guys Chanyeol also knows for quite some time now, and he and Jongdae have been best friends since they were in their mothers' wombs. Chanyeol doesn't really mind, he's talkative himself, but it seems Baekhyun outdoes him on this by leaps and bounds.  
  
"So!" Baekhyun continues, clapping his hands together, grinning as Chanyeol leans back on his seat, trying not to look so uncomfortable.  
  
"What?" Chanyeol asks, blinking.  
  
"Lu Han told you me were interesting," Baekhyun says. "So tell me what's interesting about you."  
  
Chanyeol opens his mouth and the closes it again. What can he say that would make him seem interesting? Because he really isn't. He's just some history major, who may already be over his heartbreak and has best friends who are dating. He also likes music, both listening and creating it, which he's told Baekhyun, reads comic books and plays basketball. Chanyeol doesn't think Baekhyun would appreciate him reciting things that sounds like they came out of a slum book.  
  
"Um," Chanyeol starts.  
  
"Never mind," Baekhyun says, waving his hand as he fishes something out of his pocket, and Chanyeol's heart sinks. They haven't really started dating and he's already getting tossed aside. Not that Chanyeol has made much of an effort or anything. He starts to stand when Baekhyun looks at him, one eyebrow raised. "Where are you going?"  
  
"I was--" Chanyeol tries again.  
  
"Here," Baekhyun says, shoving his 5S with black Line casing into Chanyeol's hands so suddenly that Chanyeol almost drops the phone. "Put your number in. There's this gig downtown that Jongdae was supposed to accompany me to on Friday but he can't come because he's too much of a good student to do so. You know music, right? Think you can come with me?" he barrels through, even as Chanyeol's thumbs freeze on the screen.  
  
After Jongin, Chanyeol had promised himself that he wouldn't go through the whole "dating" thing again. He figured that it was just a waste because he already knew what he wanted, which was Jongin, and that no amount of dating again would ever find him another Jongin. This is precisely why he'd chosen to just pick guys who were up for a physical relationship with no strings attached and definitely no conversations, much less hanging out or going out on dates.  
  
"I'm not really--" Chanyeol begins to explain that he doesn't really do dates after punching in his number, but then Baekhyun is already pocketing his iPhone and getting up.  
  
"Great! I'll see you on Friday then!" Baekhyun announces, sending him a wave before going downstairs in almost a run.  
  
Chanyeol sits there, not entirely sure what happened.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When Baekhyun mentioned the gig downtown, Chanyeol thought that it meant that they would watch a couple of bands play while enjoying a couple of drinks. He didn't realize that _gig_ meant Baekhyun being the one up on stage to sing. With Chanyeol singing some duets-slash-as back-up, _while_ playing the guitar for him. Chanyeol felt like he'd never been so blindsided in his life and by a person he'd only met once. But, being the good sport that he is and as someone who wants to make a good impression, because whether he likes it or not, Baekhyun is actually cute, he does it all. He sits on a stool beside Baekhyun, who is standing beside him like he's meant to be performing, wearing a dark, sexy, fitted number, eyes lined with kohl and lips slightly pinker than normal, and does everything that he's told. He plays the guitar for and sings the songs that Baekhyun only told him about minutes before they were supposed to go up.  
  
Chanyeol has never really been much of a performer. He enjoys composing, writing lyrics and actually creating music more. His performances are usually the more private type, only for friends' birthdays or some small intimate gatherings or for people special to him. It's been a while since he's done something like this, because for a while he just couldn't find it in him to go back to writing lyrics and composing or even just jamming by himself when everything that came out of his mouth was depressing music.  
  
Baekhyun grins at him in between stanzas, his boxed smile and white teeth looking more attractive under the spotlight, and Chanyeol thinks that this is not so bad. Chanyeol's even glad that he' was put on the spot. It gave him the chance to go back into music without any hint of the break-up that he'd had.  
  
The crowd bursts into applause the moment their last song ends. Baekhyun pulls him off the stage and leaves him to go talk to the manager of the club, but not before he gives Chanyeol a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"I think I just might keep you," Baekhyun tells him before he's excused by the manager.  
  
Chanyeol watches Baekhyun disappear into the crowd, wondering what on earth Baekhyun meant by that. While he may have agreed to go on a date, he's not sure he agreed to seeing someone exclusively. If he ever agrees to do that, he's not sure Baekhyun's the one he would want to date. But then again, he won't know if he doesn't try.  
  
"You look like you've been sentenced to a lifetime in jail," a voice beside Chanyeol breaks him out of his thoughts. Jongdae is wiggling his eyebrows at him, both ends of his lips curled up into a smirk. "Don't worry, I'll tell Baekhyun to go easy on you."  
  
"I'm not--" Chanyeol starts but cuts himself off because he's not sure what he wants to say. He could be overreacting to this. Baekhyun could be exactly like him, just looking for a good time and not necessarily something serious.  
  
"Baekhyun might be looking for something more serious than you are," Jongdae breaks him out of his misery as they make their way to the bar. Jongdae orders two rum  & cokes, handing the second to Chanyeol.  
  
Chanyeol sighs as he practically inhales half of the drink. This is embarrassing, knowing that someone he's only just met already has insider information on what he's like. "I thought you weren't going to be here," he says instead.  
  
Jongdae laughs, lips on the rim of his glass. He takes a drink and then puts the glass back down on the counter, considerably emptier. "Sorry to disappoint," he teases and Chanyeol rolls his eyes. "I could make it at the last minute." He shrugs. "But I already knew Baekhyun would have found someone to replace me," he tells him and then snickers. "I just didn't think it would be you. Who knew you actually knew something that isn't flirting or sex related?"  
  
Chanyeol chokes on his drink. "Again, those weren't my books and I really wasn't flirting with you," he grits out. "Why would I?"  
  
"I would flirt with me," Jongdae says with a shrug.  
  
"Is that why you're dating yourself?" Chanyeol retorts, finishing his drink. "Good job."  
  
"Funny," Jongdae shoots back, making a face at him. He leans back against the counter. "So really, music." He raises his eyebrows in question and Chanyeol kind of wants to reach up and smooth them back down just because. He's not entirely sure why.  
  
"Started playing the piano for my sister when she sang some solos for church," Chanyeol explains, squinting as one of the strobe lights blind him. "Then I learned the guitar," he shares, shrugging like it's nothing. He remembers learning church songs with Yoora for hours on Friday afternoons and Saturdays before they performed on Sundays. When Yoora had moved away for university, Chanyeol started dabbling with the guitar more and got into making his own music. "Guess I kind of just grew into it."  
  
"Pretty good for someone who just grew into it," Jongdae comments, jumping off the barstool and stretching. It's weird and interesting how Jongdae seems to fit into the bar scene with his casual jeans and comic t-shirt, Captain America this time, and seem out of place at the same time. "Baekhyun's not coming back," he then tells Chanyeol. "He's probably still busy hashing out schedules. He's pretty obsessive about performing like that."  
  
"And you're just going to leave him? Aren't you his bandmate or something, as well as his best friend?" Chanyeol asks as he gets up. He glances in the direction Baekhyun went and realizes that Jongdae is probably right. Baekhyun is nowhere to be found in the mess of bodies gyrating around the club.  
  
"I've known Baekhyun since before I even opened my mouth and started crying," Jongdae chuckles. "I sing, but not if I can help it. Coming?" he asks as he heads for the exit.  
  
Chanyeol glances back at where Baekhyun should be before hurrying after Jongdae.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dating Baekhyun is like dating an overgrown puppy. It's only been a couple of days, but Chanyeol already knows Baekhyun's schedule because he's been almost required to take Baekhyun to lunch and pick him up after his classes. Chanyeol has also been running around the campus and even the city just to make sure he's able to cater to what Baekhyun needs, like help with his classes or a hand with his performances. But, despite this, Chanyeol tries to make an effort to get to know him. He's already seeing Baekhyun, so he might as well make more of an effort.  
  
"Hey," Chanyeol speaks up, clearing his throat. Baekhyun's lower lip is in between his teeth, brows furrowed as he concentrates on his work. They've been in the library for most part of the afternoon, with Chanyeol doing homework and Baekhyun writing a paper.  
  
"Hmm?" Baekhyun responds, not bothering to look up. He's so serious with his work, which Chanyeol finds interesting because Baekhyun likes to have a lot of fun.  
  
"Do you want to go out tonight?" Chanyeol asks. He coughs, his cheeks flaming pink, when Baekhyun looks up at him then, eyebrows raised, eyes with a hint of surprise and amusement.  
  
" _You_ are asking _me_ to go out with you?" Baekhyun clarifies, words slow and pointed. He puts his pen down and leans back on his seat. "Why?"  
  
"We're going out," Chanyeol blurts out, too loud that several heads turn to them. He ducks his head and leans across the table. "We're seeing each other," he repeats, softer. He understands Baekhyun's surprise, too well, and he feels regret.  
  
"Where are we going?" Baekhyun asks after pursing his lips in deliberation.  
  
"A movie with Joonmyun and Jinri," Chanyeol suggests, smiling a little when Baekhyun's eyes widen in further surprise. "I figured it was time we all hung out together." Joonmyun and Jinri have been asking about him and Baekhyun ever since the blind date and Chanyeol has never really said anything more than Baekhyun being nice.  
  
"Can I bring Jongdae?" Baekhyun wants to know. He shrugs when Chanyeol chuckles. "Just, you know, you guys haven't really hung out much either. It would be nice if you two got to know each other better as well."  
  
"Sure," Chanyeol agrees. "He should bring a date or something so he won't feel left out." The thought of Jongdae coming with someone is interesting since Chanyeol's pretty sure he's single.  
  
Baekhyun rolls his eyes as he laughs. "Jongdae doesn't care about dates, but I'll let him know," he says. "So," he goes on, leaning across the desk, smile wide and eyes twinkling, "what movie are we watching?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Guardians of the Galaxy," Baekhyun scoffs as they leave the theatre.

Chanyeol nudges him, careful not to be too playful, grinning with enjoyment at the movie. "Aw, c'mon, it was fun," he convinces him. "You know you liked it somehow." Beside them, Jongdae laughs.

"Good thing Chris Pratt is hot," Baekhyun sniffs. "Or I wouldn't have bothered."

"He is hot," Chanyeol agrees, putting an arm around him. If Baekhyun stiffens slightly at the touch, he doesn't notice. Being a comic book fan, he's just happy to have watched a movie adaptation, even if it wasn't very faithful to the comics.

"I think Baek enjoyed Gamora's feistiness, too," Jongdae comments.

Minseok, who Chanyeol has only ever really hung out with during basketball and who is Jongdae's date for the evening, nods, his attention focused on his phone. Chanyeol had wondered who Jongdae would bring to a group date. He never would have guessed that it would be Minseok. Compared to Jongdae who is always so smiling and laughing and bright, Minseok is a bit more serious and even somewhat stern.

"What's not to enjoy?" Chanyeol asks, pulling Baekhyun closer to him and smiling when Baekhyun snuggles into his embrace.

They walk out of the cinema and down the block towards the restaurant where Joonmyun and Jinri were waiting. The two had decided not to come to the movie since Jinri wanted to finish her homework before coming out with them for dinner. Chanyeol maintains that they just wanted to have the apartment to themselves for a while.

"Do you think it would have been popular if they stuck to the comics version?" Jongdae asks out of the blue, while Minseok moves to his other side.

Chanyeol scrunches his nose at the thought. "We'll never know, I guess," he answers with a shrug. "It's probably a good thing that it isn't as popular as the Avengers or X-Men. I mean I haven't heard much backlash about it. Have you?"

Jongdae shrugs. "I don't care much since I didn't really read the comics," he tells him. "I would have thrown a fit if they'd butchered Iron Man or the Avengers."

"Here we go," Baekhyun mutters. He disentangles himself from Chanyeol's arm and grabs Minseok's so they could walk ahead. "They're going to start talking comics and I really don't want to seem dumb not knowing anything."

Jongdae's laugh is sharp and Chanyeol laughs along with him. He has half a mind to call Baekhyun back and tell him that they don't need to talk about comics and their movie adaptations, but Baekhyun's already walking ahead with Minseok. Jongdae doesn't seem to care either and instead just launched another question at Chanyeol.

They talk right into dinner and not just about comics, but also about other things, like movies, school, music, and even video games. With each meeting, Chanyeol finds that it gets easier and easier to talk to Jongdae. And it's not just useless banter, too. Their conversations are starting to have more substance and have become avenues to get to know each other better. He turns away from Jongdae when Baekhyun's hand lands on his lap. Baekhyun is talking animatedly with Joonmyun and Jinri about some out of town trips that they've taken. Chanyeol smiles, heart warm at the sight of him getting along with his best friends, and places his hand on top of Baekhyun's. He's about to return his attention to his conversation with Jongdae when Baekhyun entwines their fingers together and tugs at his hand.

"I didn't know you traveled a lot," Baekhyun says when Chanyeol turns to him.

Chanyeol glances at his best friends, who have weird looks on their faces, and then back at Baekhyun's expectant face. "Well, my family wanted to travel with me and my sister while we were still young, so yeah," he answers.

"But you've gone to Japan," Baekhyun presses and Chanyeol swallows the unpleasant lump that has formed in his throat.

"I have," Chanyeol agrees, not knowing what else to say. "It was a while back. I don't even remember much of it." Except for the fact that Chanyeol still does remember. Because thinking of Japan still hurts sometimes.

"I haven't been to Japan," Chanyeol hears Baekhyun say, but he returns his attention back to his conversation with Jongdae. Talking about how cool Iron Man is seems like an easier conversation to have rather than his Japan trip.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm so tired." Chanyeol flops down face first on the sofa, careful to avoid falling on Jinri. He sighs like all the world's burdens are on his shoulders before rolling back up to stare at the ceiling.

"Weren't you out with Baekhyun?" Jinri asks, shifting so that Chanyeol's head is on her lap.

"Yeah," Chanyeol sighs.

"Baekhyun is very cute," Jinri tells him.

"Tired," Chanyeol repeats, eyes fluttering close when Jinri starts carding her fingers through his hair.

"Are you sure you're not exaggerating? You go to university to study. How tiring can that be?" Joonmyun asks, coming back from the kitchen and handing Jinri a mug of coffee.

Jinri shushes Joonmyun even as she smiles at him, grateful for the coffee. "Not everyone loves studying like you do," she tells her boyfriend.

"I've been to his apartment and back twice today-- _twice_ \--because Baekhyun forgot something and asked me if I could get it for him," Chanyeol relays, frown growing as he keeps his eyes closed. "He asks me to study with him at some coffee place with shelves of books and asks me to always go with him to his singing gigs. And then we watch movies always every other day."

It's all not so bad. Baekhyun is actually good company. He's talkative, sure, but he's also witty and funny and interesting. Singing isn't his only talent. He also has a way with people that would have made Chanyeol, if he was incredibly invested, jealous. There's something about Baekhyun that people can't help but gravitate to and Chanyeol understands this quite well, especially when Baekhyun looks up at him with that smile that seems reserved only for him.

"You invite him yourself to those things," Joonmyun reminds him.

"Because he asks and expects them," Chanyeol counters. He's not sure why he's suddenly so agitated. Baekhyun is nice and gracious with his affections. They've never done much, aside from the chaste kisses, but Baekhyun has been nothing but the ideal (overexcited) person to date. He's not entirely sure if he should be calling Baekhyun his boyfriend.

"But you always say yes," Jinri contradicts him, tone soft and indulging. She looks at Joonmyun, who smiles and presses a kiss to her forehead. He also takes the coffee from her hands and places it on the table.

"What?" Chanyeol asks, furrowing his brows, which Jinri smooths.

"If you didn't want to do them, you wouldn't have," she continues. Chanyeol's eyes open and he tilts his head upward so he can look at Jinri smiling at him like a fond older sister would. "Chanyeol, do you remember the first time Jongin--"

Chanyeol sits up so fast he would have hit Jinri's chin had Joonmyun not pushed her head out of the way. "I get it," is his snappish answer, brushing his hair away from his face. It's been a while since he's actively thought about Jongin. More than a year of being separated has taught him how to do that and he's not happy with being reminded of him. Jongin will always have a special place in his heart, which means there will always be that hurt where it concerns him.

"Do you?" Jinri asks, squeezing Joonmyun's hand when he takes hers. "Because you talk about Baekhyun like he's always making you go the extra mile for him when, in fact, he isn't doing that at all." Chanyeol takes a deep breath as he leans back on the sofa, knowing full well she isn't done talking. "Baekhyun is nice and fun and sweet. He isn't doing anything that any other boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn't do." She sighs when Chanyeol doesn't say anything. "He can be good for you if you allow him to be. If he isn't what you're looking for--"

"You knew I wasn't looking for anyone," Chanyeol cuts her off, biting his lower lip when he realizes how irate he sounds. He turns to Jinri and grabs the hand that isn't in Joonmyun's grasp. "I don't--this isn't what I want."

"Well then, you know what you have to do," Joonmyun tells him and Chanyeol crawls back onto Jinri's lap.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol looks up at the rustic menu hanging above the counter, trying to make sense of the different kinds of coffee and drinks listed on it. He's never really one to drink coffee, even during all-nighters, preferring to drink or eat sweet things or energy buzz to stay awake. So now, at a coffee shop, he's not entirely sure what to order, especially since Baekhyun is usually the one who orders for him.

"You look lost, then again that's nothing new for you, I suppose."

Chanyeol makes a face when he sees Jongdae's smirk behind the counter. "Are you following me? Because if you are, I might have to put a restraining order on you," he says, taking a step back to prove his point. Although he knows why he's seeing Jongdae a lot, it's because he and Baekhyun are dating. His heart clenches when he's reminded of Baekhyun.

Jongdae laughs, loud and annoying. He rests his palms flat on the counter and grins at him. "I should be asking you that," he counters. "I work here. You, on the other hand, have never even heard of this place until Baekhyun brought you here." He looks at Chanyeol as if challenging him to deny it. When Chanyeol doesn't say anything, because Jongdae is correct--he would have never gone to a bookshop cafe on his own volition, maybe Jinri's, Jongdae snickers. "So what can I get you?" he asks.

"Something sweet," Chanyeol hums as he looks at the menu again.

"You're going to have to be more specific," Jongdae tells him. "Because _I_ 'm sweet, but you can't have me."

"Are you always this full of yourself?" Chanyeol asks, raising an eyebrow. In the short time that he's known Jongdae, the confidence that he displays has amazed him. He never holds back on compliments to himself and, while it can seem like it's too much, Chanyeol can't call him out on anything either. He doesn't really know Jongdae that well, after all. "The thought of you being sweet has never even crossed my mind and now I think you've ruined the term for me forever." His face scrunches rather unattractively, eyes falling into slits, nose lifting upwards, mouth turned downwards to express his distaste.

"Frozen Hot Nutella it is," Jongdae decides, punching in the code into the POS system.

Chanyeol busies himself with his phone on the side of the counter as he waits for his drink to be done. Baekhyun had asked to meet up with him, probably to have their regular study and movie date. They're probably going to watch that romantic comedy with Daniel Radcliffe because Baekhyun likes those kinds of movies, not that Chanyeol doesn't. But it's always fun to see how cute Baekhyun gets when it comes to the romantic scenes.

He finds a seat when his Frozen Hot Nutella is done and puts the drink down on the table. Baekhyun likes sweet things and he'll probably want the first sip. Chanyeol has gotten used to putting Baekhyun first when it comes to things between the two of them. Which brings to mind that he really should put Baekhyun first now more than ever.

Joonmyun's words have been ringing in his ears nonstop. Chanyeol knows what he has to do, _has always_ known that it will lead to this, no matter how much he doesn't want it to.

"You're early." Baekhyun stands before him wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater that makes him look even smaller with a red backwards cap that covers his soft-looking hair. He reaches up to fix his fake glasses as he looks at Chanyeol expectantly.

"I'm not always late," Chanyeol says, pretending to seem hurt. He understands though that he's never come to a date before Baekhyun in the short time they've been seeing each other. "Here," he says, pushing the Frozen Hot Nutella towards the seat across him. "I haven't tasted it yet, but Jongdae says it's sweet. I know you like sweet things."

Something flickers in Baekhyun's eyes when he glances down at the drink, but he doesn't make a move to sit down. He just stands there, unmoving, and it sends an uncomfortable feeling down Chanyeol's spine.

"I was thinking we could see that Danrad movie you've been wanting to see," Chanyeol keeps on talking. "I've looked it up online and read good reviews about it." He's not sure why he's doing this, but all he knows is that he can't break-up with Baekhyun when he looks so small and helpless and cute in his big sweater.

"No," Baekhyun says, making Chanyeol stiffen in his seat.

"Did you want to hangout at my place instead?" Chanyeol asks, hoping he doesn't sound so uncertain. "Joonmyun and Jinri will be there but we can all watch a DVD or something."

"No," Baekhyun repeats, this time firmer and more resolute. He takes a seat across Chanyeol but doesn't touch the drink, merely placing his hands on his lap, clasped together.

"Why? What happened?" Chanyeol wonders aloud, but soft enough to signal that he knows something's wrong.

"You're very sweet, you know," Baekhyun tells him. "You try so hard for me, even when I know that you don't want to." He plays with his fingers, ones that Chanyeol has always thought were lovely. They certainly fit well in between his own.

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol starts.

Baekhyun lifts his face and fixes a stare at Chanyeol. Chanyeol's found Baekhyun to be determined and straightforward in anything that he does. Whatever he's about to do now isn't going to be any different, he feels.

"This isn't working for me," Baekhyun goes on. Chanyeol opens his mouth to speak because he didn't realize that Baekhyun felt this way. But Baekhyun shakes his head. "I know it's not working for you, too."

"That's not--" Chanyeol cuts himself off when Baekhyun dares him to continue the lie that he's about to say. He sighs. At this point, he's not sure what he can say. He can't very well just go on like nothing is wrong, that nothing that Baekhyun has said is not true. Chanyeol has enjoyed Baekhyun's company, but he just doesn't see it as something he can continue further romantically. "I'm sorry, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun shrugs. "It was fun seeing you run around for me," he says, grinning at the thought and Chanyeol's heart soars at the thought that maybe all is not lost. Maybe they can be friends.

Chanyeol opens his mouth, his right eye twitching. "You little..."

Baekhyun giggles. "Like I said, you were sweet," he repeats. "Anyway," he sighs, standing up, "I have to go."

Chanyeol nods, not sure what he can say at this point. "I'll see you around?"

"I'm sure you will," Baekhyun replies and his smile is weird, almost bitter. Then his eyes narrow, the sudden change of expression jarring. "If anyone asks, _I_ broke up with you." He points at Chanyeol before turning around and walking out of the cafe.

Chanyeol leans back on his seat and sighs, glaring at the melted drink. "You did," he mutters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol hides under a rock and buries himself in schoolwork, deciding that this is the best way for him to get over what happened. He's done it before and he's sure can do it again because this isn't even half as bad as his last break-up. But a break-up is a break-up. Chanyeol knows that what he had with Baekhyun wasn't as serious as what he had with Jongin, but that doesn't mean that this doesn't hurt. His effort, while half-assed at times, was still there. He treated Baekhyun as best as he could and have grown to be fond of Baekhyun and his incessant need to constantly move around and comment on everything. Still, Chanyeol wishes he could have handled it better, maybe set expectations right from the start.

Feeling frustrated with himself, he bites on his lower lip and focuses on rereading the first paragraph on the page he's at. It's been 10 minutes and he's still stuck on that page because he can't stop his brain from thinking too much and overanalyzing things. All Chanyeol wants is for Baekhyun to be okay and for Baekhyun to not be mad at him for being an indecisive dick.

"Maybe you should take a break," Yixing suggests quietly, making sure not to disturb other students in the library but loud enough to break Chanyeol's supposed concentration.

"I can't," Chanyeol mutters, still staring at the same line.

"Take a break, Chanyeol," Lu Han demands, grabbing his book and closing it. Chanyeol glares at him in both shock that he would do such a thing and annoyance that he actually did. Lu Han leans closer. "Because you're driving me crazy with all your huffing," he hisses then makes a face when Chanyeol pouts at him, sighing. "I'm sorry that things between you and Baekhyun didn't work out. I just thought... he seemed like a good match for you."

"You forget that I don't want to date anyone," Chanyeol reminds him, taking his book back and flipping it to the page where he was originally at. "With Baekhyun, I had no choice and I hurt his feelings."

Lu Han looks at him in disbelief. "You had a choice, Chanyeol," he retorts. "You could have told Baekhyun you weren't up for dating, but you didn't and you ended up liking him more than you wanted to."

"Less than he deserves," Chanyeol corrects him. It really wasn't fair to Baekhyun what he did. But what's done is done. And it won't happen again.

"Well then," Lu Han says, nudging Yixing, who seems to have fallen asleep. "You should come with us this weekend."

"Are you going to set me up on another surprising blind date?" Chanyeol scoffs. "No thanks." He closes his book and reaches for his notes, having giving up on understanding anything from his reading.

"Even better," Lu Han responds with a big grin on his face. "We're going to take you to a party."

"No way," Chanyeol rejects, shaking his head. "No. I don't have time for a party."

"You'll make time for this one," Lu Han interjects. "This is--"

"It's my party," Yixing cuts Lu Han off before Chanyeol gets the chance to. "Just something I thought of putting together with a few friends so I really hope you can come." He smiles and it makes Chanyeol feel like the worst friend just at the thought of saying no to that smile and to Yixing's niceness.

"Fine," Chanyeol says through gritted teeth as Lu Han rejoices as best as he can in the confines of the library. "I'll go. Now," he adds, giving Lu Han a pointed look. "Can you leave me alone so I can study?"

"Sure sure," Lu Han agrees, gathering his things and pulling Yixing up to leave. "You won't regret it, I promise." He flounces away with Yixing in tow and Chanyeol just sighs.

"I regret it already," he mutters as he opens his book again to get real reading done.

Lu Han's ideas and _help_ always seem to get him in trouble. All the parties he's gone to courtesy of Lu Han's invite have all resulted to Chanyeol getting wildly drunk and passed out in front of dorm lawns or out in the hallways. The last time it happened Chanyeol was sure he didn't have anything alcoholic to drink and had stuck to the delicious pomelo juice. As it turned out, it was spiked and Chanyeol, who had consumed too much of the "juice," got wasted. Those aren't the only things. There's also the whole Baekhyun thing. And there was also Jongin.

"So you do actually study other things other than flirting and sex." Chanyeol jumps and kicks the chair across from him, sending it falling backwards, the crashing sound echoing across the library. Jongdae grins at him as he rights the chair and sits on it.

Chanyeol clears his throat, hoping that his embarrassment will go away, too. "Well, studying something that I am already good at is pointless," he shares, thinking about saying more before he remembers who this is. His expression turns wary, brows furrowing and lips turning down. "You're not here to hit me, are you? I should tell you that I had the best of intentions even if I didn't exactly handle it well."

Jongdae's lips curl up and he chuckles. "I'm not Baekhyun's dad," he tells him. "And, while I appreciate the gesture, you've already apologized to him and that's the apology that matters. Besides, you already look like you have the world on your shoulders and let me tell you something," he moves closer to him, "Baekhyun isn't the world."

"You're his best friend," Chanyeol sputters. He closes his book and watches Jongdae carefully. "Shouldn't you be mad at me and not be talking to me?"

"If we were high school girls," Jongdae says, rolling his eyes. He starts taking out his books and notes from his backpack and places them on the table. "As it stands, we _aren't_ high school girls and you didn't do anything to me so there's no reason for me to stop talking to you."

"Why are you so nice to me?" Chanyeol almost demands because it's impossible that a best friend of someone he's broken the heart of can be this accepting. "Are you trying to lure me in so you can capture me and eat me? Why, grandma, what big teeth you have!"

"All the better to bite you with, my dear," Jongdae's answer is instantaneous and it makes Chanyeol laugh like he hasn't in days.

"Kinky," Chanyeol teases.

"You'd know," Jongdae snorts. "Now, shut up, and let me study."

Chanyeol watches as Jongdae opens his books and notes, careful not to fold anything, before grabbing glasses that he's sure are fake and then settling down to concentrate. Jongdae is like a wild card thrust in his direction. Chanyeol never thought they'd end up somewhat friends the way they are now. It's even more interesting that Jongdae is still willing to continue being friends despite what Chanyeol had done. But he likes it and he's going to accept. Smiling, Chanyeol shakes his head and turns back to his own work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"This is stupid," Chanyeol mutters and curses under his breath as he ducks when a vase that he's sure isn't supposed to be flying flies over his head. He wonders where Yixing is and if he knows that people are playing catch with his family's prized possessions. He considers grabbing the vase in mid-throw, but Lu Han appears out of nowhere and does it for him.

"You should know that if anything breaks in this house, I'm going to send Zitao after you," Lu Han announces in a voice that carries over the loud music. "You do know that he kill you all with a look, right?" He grins at them, smile sweet and eyes twinkling, before turning to Chanyeol and rolling his eyes.

"I thought Yixing said that this was for a few friends," Chanyeol asks, almost accusing. He had agreed to go to the party because he can't say no to Yixing, which is his big flaw, and because he figured that it was only going to be a few people anyway.

"Oh, well you know Yixing," Lu Han chuckles, putting the vase in one of the bottom cabinets, safe from being broken. Apparently to Yixing, _few_ meant the entirety of the people he knows in university, which Chanyeol can understand. Yixing is way too nice that way.

Chanyeol tries not to grumble. "I think I'm going to go," he tells him. "I'll just go look for Yixing and tell him I'm heading out."

"No!" Lu Han yells like he's about to do something drastic that Chanyeol actually freezes in his steps. Lu Han chuckles, one hand on his mouth like he's embarrassed about his display of panic. "I mean, just--come with me for a second."

Chanyeol scowls as Lu Han grabs his wrist and drags him to the empty pool area, where a guy is reclined on one of the pool lounge chairs, busy with his phone. Lu Han pushes his through the glass doors and closes it shut. Chanyeol has half a mind to smash the glass door just so he can smash Lu Han's face, but before he can raise his fist, said guy speaks.

"That would be useless and you know it." He's now sitting up, phone gone, probably in his pocket, and looking up at Chanyeol with wide eyes. "I've tried beating him without the glass hindering me and he just batted his eyelashes at me."

Chanyeol scratches the back of his neck as he laughs, stilted, and takes a seat on the empty lounge chair beside his. "Do they do this to you a lot?" he asks, wondering if he should get comfortable since the glass door is locked with Zitao guarding it with a big stupid cat-like smile on his face.

"Do what?" he asks, careful and assessing. His eyes are roaming around Chanyeol, like he's making sure he's a decent creature and won't attack him.

"Offer you up for human sacrifice," Chanyeol answers, lips quirking up into a uncertain smile, looking at him if he'll accept the joke.

It takes a couple of seconds but he does start to smile, full lips forming into a shape that shouldn't be allowed for lips because it's too cute and makes one wonder what it would be like to feel those lips against his. Not that Chanyeol _is_ thinking it. Because that would mean giving in to Lu Han and his schemes, or just giving in to his bodily pleasures and he's not going to do that to someone who looks so cute.

"I'm Kyungsoo," he offers his name, still smiling. Chanyeol finds himself smiling back because it's hard to resist.

"Chanyeol," he returns.

"I know," Kyungsoo says, lying back down and moving around until he finds a comfortable position. He gestures for Chanyeol to do the same. "I've been waiting for you for like an hour. Where have you been?"

"I was--" Chanyeol starts to explain as he lies down as well, but gets cut off.

"I was also promised that you would be cute," Kyungsoo barrels on. "And borderline handsome, but I see that tastes really vary." He says all of this with a face devoid of the earlier cute smile and Chanyeol is feeling a little creeped out and scared for his life. He thinks back to human sacrifices and glances at the glass door. There is no one there anymore. Chanyeol feels trapped.

"I'm cute," Chanyeol defends himself, pouting a little. "I've been told I was cute lots of times." Kyungsoo snorts and takes his phone out once more. Chanyeol figures this relationship isn't one that's going to go anywhere. "So why are you here?" he asks instead, staring at the stillness of the swimming pool.

"Figured it would shut Lu Han up," Kyungsoo answers. "He wouldn't stop badgering me about going out on a date with one of his friends."

Chanyeol laughs even when he feels his ears turning red. "Sorry," he mumbles. "He means well, but I don't think the words _no, I don't want to date_ mean anything to him."

"Not when he's happily in love with the man of his dreams," Kyungsoo agrees. "He thinks it's a crime not to be in love with someone as well."

It very rarely shows because Lu Han can be good at keeping things to himself, especially when Yixing isn't comfortable with it, but Lu Han and Yixing are so madly in love with each other to the point that it can be sickening. They've been together for _years_ , no one even really knows how long it's been before. It's almost like Lu Han knew from the moment he saw Yixing in fourth grade or something that they would be together someday and Yixing just allowed it because, Chanyeol supposes, he kind of knew it, too. It's both romantic and barf-inducing because now Lu Han thinks it can happen to anyone, that spark, that undeniable attraction, and that kind of love that everyone looks for. What Lu Han doesn't know, Chanyeol believes, is that it doesn't happen to everyone. That kind of love, while existing, isn't for everyone.

"It would probably break his heart when he finds out that his is a special case," Chanyeol says with a light chuckle. He admires Lu Han for his romanticism, but he's not someone who believes in things like that, not anymore.

"Do you believe that?" Kyungsoo asks, turning his head so he can get a proper look at Chanyeol. His eyes are still wide, but there's a curiosity in them.

"I think that sometimes you find love and that it's great, but that it isn't always meant for everyone," Chanyeol tries his best to explain his stand. "I just don't think it's worth the effort to keep on looking for it and keep on getting hurt in the process."

"So you sleep around instead," Kyungsoo summarizes. "Is that like a testing thing?" Chanyeol blanches at the way Kyungsoo describes it, which makes Kyungsoo laugh. "Sorry, but it's hard not to hear things."

Chanyeol shouldn't be surprised by now that everyone knows something about his _activities_. It's not exactly a secret anyway, but that's probably why people whom he's propositioned agree to it so easily. There's really beauty in being open about one's intentions. He doesn't want to hide the fact that he's not looking for anything serious, for anything complicated, for anything that could lead to heartbreak.

"So why are _you_ here?" Kyungsoo then asks when Chanyeol fails to think of a response. "It's obvious that you don't want to be." Chanyeol shrugs because he has the exact same reason as Kyungsoo's: Lu Han just won't take no for an answer. Kyungsoo laughs and nods as if to tell him that he understands, to which Chanyeol is grateful for. "Well then, we can commiserate."

"I know this isn't your idea of a party," Chanyeol comments, taking a deep breath as he looks up at the night sky. He's never really one for parties, always preferring to stay behind to watch movies at the apartment or read books or play music. This used to be something he did with Jongin. But that was a long time ago.

"I don't have any idea about what goes on in parties," Kyungsoo shares, wetting his lips as he looks up at the sky as well. "I've never really cared. But they seem pointless."

Chanyeol laughs because Kyungsoo is so different from anyone he's ever met. It's refreshing to meet someone who defies everything that he expects from people he's come to know. Aside from him being one of the cutest guy's he's known, which is pretty much a lot, Kyungsoo doesn't seem afraid to speak what's on his mind and isn't afraid to say so when he doesn't agree with or doesn't want to do something.

"They are," Chanyeol doesn't hesitate to agree. He ignores the fact that he's met Jongin at a party once upon a time.

"Do you want to leave then?" Kyungsoo asks, smirking when Chanyeol raises his eyebrows. "I know another way out of here."

Chanyeol squeezes back when Kyungsoo's fingers find his.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol knows he shouldn't dive into a relationship when he's only just broken up with Baekhyun. Except he can't help but kiss back when Kyungsoo kisses him. And Kyungsoo's kisses, which are sweet and addicting, are always a surprise just like the first time it happened. They had been hanging out in the apartment Chanyeol shared with Joonmyun with a couple of other people. Chanyeol had gotten up from the couch to refill the popcorn. Kyungsoo had followed him to the kitchen and backed him against the sink, his plump lips sucking on Chanyeol's lower lip and leaving him breathless. Normally things like that progress to something more, but maybe because they were other people around, Kyungsoo had eventually backed off and had gone back to the living room. It left Chanyeol very _uncomfortable_ for the rest of the evening.

He's not very uncomfortable now. The shelf and the books digging into his back can shove it. Chanyeol should concentrate on making sure that he doesn't drop Kyungsoo or keeping his moans down for that matter else someone hears them. The library has been his haven for the entirety of his university life. He didn't think it could be this heavenly, too. But the way Kyungsoo is rutting against him, moans breathy in his ear, he suddenly can't help but be grateful for allowing himself to be forced to go to that party.

"Soo," Chanyeol grunts, biting his lower lip as his release nears. "Kyungsoo." He lets his lips trail on the underside of Kyungsoo's jaw, light presses of kisses that he knows drives him crazy.

"Fuck Chanyeol," Kyungsoo groans as his hips stutter when he finally comes, which helps Chanyeol come to his own.

They stay still for a while, Kyungsoo clinging onto Chanyeol, breathing ruffling Chanyeol's hair, with Chanyeol gripping him tightly, face buried in Kyungsoo's neck. Chanyeol has his eyes closed, feeling peaceful and satisfied as it always it when he's with Kyungsoo, but, at the back of his head, he's also counting the seconds.

"I should go," Kyungsoo mutters as he slowly jumps off Chanyeol and plants both his feet back on the floor. And there it is. Kyungsoo is always the one who lets go first, always the one who leaves. He fixes his hair and tucks his shirt back before grabbing his jacket from the floor and putting it on. Before he goes, he turns to Chanyeol and presses a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks. Bye," he whispers and he's out of there, bag in hand.

It hasn't been a long time, but it _has been_ weeks since they've come to this unspoken arrangement and it's still just _thanks_ and _bye_ and nothing more. Kyungsoo's never stayed the night and has never said anything that he might think of their relationship. Chanyeol isn't sure why he's even bothering with this because he's fine with this arrangement. It's what Kyungsoo knows he wants. But sometimes... Chanyeol isn't sure. But he gets this ache in his heart sometimes. Some yearning that he thought he'd stomped out a while ago.

Chanyeol fixes himself and grabs his bag as he makes his way out of the hidden bookshelves. He catches Sehun looking at him with a smirk and Zitao grinning at him and immediately looks away. He feels his cheeks burn with embarrassment and he thinks he can hear Zitao giggling. They probably saw Kyungsoo coming out as well. They're not usually in the library, none of his friends normally are, so he's never been caught before. But it's not like none of them know. It's hard to keep anything from anyone these days.

"Oh you're done." Jongdae emerges from the library right after him and Chanyeol freezes before turning around to face him.

"Excuse me?" Chanyeol asks, tone measured just in case Jongdae doesn't mean what Chanyeol fears he means.

"I saw you earlier," Jongdae explains with a half shrug as he shifts his backpack over his shoulder as they continue walking. "You were busy studying so hard so I didn't want to disturb you."

"Oh," Chanyeol says, breathing a quiet sigh of relief. He and Jongdae study together sometimes whenever they caught each other in the library, which was a lot of the time. "Yeah, well, I have a lot of work these days."

"Looks like it," Jongdae mutters. "So did you find the Heart of the Ocean in that guy's pants?"

Chanyeol chokes and trips on nothing, a combination that Jongdae finds so hilarious that he has to stop walking and laugh for a good couple of seconds. Meanwhile, Chanyeol stands there, the entirety of his face flaming red because he just has to get caught in the act, by Jongdae, too. Chanyeol would have shoved Jongdae or something but Jongdae looked so happy and so cute laughing that he couldn't.

"Man, I haven't laughed like that in weeks," Jongdae says when he's able to walk without bursting into laughter again, wiping his imaginary tears.

"Glad to be of service," Chanyeol grumbles, unable to meet Jongdae's eyes. He takes a deep breath and groans, squeezing his eyes shut for a second. "I can't believe you saw that."

"Yes, well, I do thorough research," Jongdae elaborates. "I can't help it if the books I need are in a place where you like to rendezvous. Lesson learned, though. I won't try that again. So if I fail my classes, it's your fault."

"Right," Chanyeol returns, sighing again. "Sorry if my, uh, quest for the Heart of the Ocean scarred you forever."

"Pfft," Jongdae says, waving at him dismissively. "Nothing that hasn't happened before. I can't count the number of times I've caught Baekhyun in questionable situations--" He cuts himself off when Chanyeol goes more quiet and chuckles. "Not a good idea, huh?"

"How is he?" Chanyeol wants to know. He has seen Baekhyun around campus after they "break-up" but they've never really had a chance to talk or hangout like Chanyeol was hoping they'd still get to do. He supposes that's asking for too much for the way he treated Baekhyun.

Jongdae shrugs. "He's okay," he assures him. "You shouldn't worry so much, although you were kind of an ass for leading him on. But he knew what he was getting into."

Chanyeol doesn't know what to say to that so he stays quiet as they walk across campus towards the cafeteria, where Chanyeol knows their friends are waiting. But he does wonder when he became so careless and because almost heartless to play with people's feelings without being aware that he's doing it. And then he wonders about Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo knows exactly what he was getting into, though. But then again, Baekhyun did as well. As well all those other guys.

"Hey you two." Lu Han's eyebrows are both raised at the sight of him and Jongdae arriving together.

"Hey," Jongdae greets Lu Han, Yixing and Joonmyun and Jinri, who are at the same table but on the other end. He turns to Chanyeol and claps him on the back. "I'll see you around."

"Bye," Chanyeol mutters as he slumps into the empty space beside Jinri and leans his head on her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Jinri and Joonmyun ask at the same time. Jinri puts an arm around his waist and he snuggles closer. He hates feeling out of control like this,

"What is up with you and Jongdae?" Lu Han asks, sliding into their side of the table, Yixing in tow. He has that look in his eyes that Chanyeol remembers was also there when he straightforwardly told Chanyeol that _no, you can’t ask him out or hang out with him_.

"What are you talking about?" Chanyeol asks, lifting his head, brows furrowed because Lu Han knows he's seeing Kyungsoo. Kind of. "We're friends."

"Really," Lu Han says, deadpan. "You have new friends you don't fuck around with now?"

"Lu Han," Joonmyun snaps at him, hand on Lu Han's wrist. Joonmyun always, _always_ comes to Chanyeol's defense. Chanyeol appreciates it, but sometimes, it also makes him feel like he can't handle himself. Jinri squeezes Chanyeol's hand and Chanyeol squeezes back because Jinri understands everything.

"Jongdae and I really are just friends," Chanyeol explains, words slow and deliberate that, hopefully, sounds sincere to Lu Han. Because he and Jongdae don't even really hangout. They always just bump into each other and end up talking about anything and everything, which is, frankly, to Chanyeol, like a breath of fresh air. Sometimes, with Jongdae, he doesn't feel the need to worry about everything that's going on in his personal life. "That's the truth, whether you believe it or not," he goes on. He's not sure why this is a big deal. "Besides, you know I'm seeing Kyungsoo. You set us up"

Lu Han snorts and slaps at Yixing's hand when he tries to grab Lu Han's sandwich. "Right, because Kyungsoo is oh so faithful to you," he divulges. "You two are some piece of work. I set you guys up because I thought it could help straighten you guys out with feelings or something. Same poles really do repel each other." He looks up when he flinches from what seems to be Joonmyun gripping his wrist.

Chanyeol looks from Joonmyun to Lu Han as Jinri's hand on his waist tightens. "What are you talking about?" he demands. He glances at Yixing, who gives him a small, albeit seemingly sad, smile. "What?"

"Chanyeol," Joonmyun starts. He's calm and gentle and he has that look on his face that just screams to Chanyeol that he's not going to like what he's about to say. "I'm not sure what your agreement with Kyungsoo is--"

"There's no agreement," Chanyeol interrupts, pushing Jinri's arm away from him. He scoots a tiny bit away from her because he's upset but not too upset not to have her near him. "We're seeing each other and that's it. We both knew what we were getting into." Kyungsoo knew that he's up for sleeping around but having no feelings involved.

"I think it might be a bit different for Kyungsoo," Joonmyun hesitates, which is the worst because Joonmyun hesitating means he doesn't want to hurt Chanyeol's feelings. "We..." He exchanges a look with Jinri, who moves closer to Chanyeol.

"It was an accident," is Jinri's opening statement. "We saw him with this girl at the back of the school. Kyungsoo was... They were... They weren't exactly doing any talking."

Joonmyun chokes back a laugh, which is uncharacteristic of him. "Well Kyungsoo was moving his mouth," he mutters and then zips his mouth when Jinri glares at him.

"Kyungsoo sleeps around, Chanyeol," Lu Han finishes the explanation, ignoring the way Yixing wraps an arm around his shoulders to calm him down. "Probably more than you do. And he sleeps with different people at the same time, not just with one person at a time like the way you do because you want to be courteous or something."

Chanyeol's first thought is _what, Kyungsoo sleeps around? But--_ and then _that's okay, it's okay, because we_ are _just sleeping around_. And there's that lingering feeling that _this isn't right_ , the thought that he assumed they were exclusive even if it was just sleeping around. Lu Han is right. Chanyeol never saw two people at the same time, even if there were no feelings involved. Which, now that it's been brought up, makes absolutely no sense.

"Well," Chanyeol says, clearing his throat in the pretense that none of this means anything to him. Underneath the table, he reaches for Jinri's hand and Jinri, the amazingly kind and sweet best friend that she is, places Chanyeol's hand in between both of hers. "We really didn't have any agreement or commitment. We both knew what we were getting into." Even if it Chanyeol is taken by surprise at these turn of events.

Lu Han raises an eyebrow before he lets it go due to Yixing's incessant attack on Lu Han's sandwich. "Oh my god, just eat it already," Lu Han kind of snaps, but softens immediately when Yixing gives him a peck on the cheek. He sighs and gets up. "I'm going to get another sandwich."

"Kyungsoo is a nice guy," Yixing speaks up for the first time. "He's in my vocal class, very talented. I'm sure if you tell him how you feel about him, he'll understand and then you guys can fix things."

Jinri tightens her grip on Chanyeol's hand and he knows that she agrees with him. Except, that isn't part of the plan. There are no _feelings_. They've never talked about it--they didn't have to. Chanyeol isn't supposed to worry about wanting feelings in a relationship, about wanting that stability and security, the kind that he had with Jongin once upon a time--He isn't. He's not worried. He doesn't want that kind of relationship. Not at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey," Jongdae's greeting and smile is as bright as the sun, even behind the big, black fake spectacles he has on. Too bad it looks like it's about to rain outside. He leans against the counter, his light blue apron creasing in the middle. "What can I get you?"

"Something that will possibly make someone's anger go away," Chanyeol mutters, eyes still on the menu above that he doesn't notice Jongdae's smile faltering. "Do you have that?" His eyes fall to Jongdae, who grins at him.

"I have just what you need," Jongdae tells with him a wink, punching in his order. "Everything okay?" Chanyeol doesn't hear him because he's too busy looking around where the best place to talk to Kyungsoo would be. He didn't know why he'd chosen to meet up here. This is where he--no, Baekhyun--broke up with him. "Chanyeol?"

"What?" Chanyeol asks, blinking at him.

Jongdae frowns at him and then he's finishing punching in Chanyeol's order. "Give me a sec," he says, raising a finger up before moving to the back.

Chanyeol goes to the most hidden corner of the cafe, at the back, behind a big bookshelf. Jongdae arrives a couple of minutes later, Chanyeol's very red drink in his hand, sans his light blue apron. He then takes a seat across Chanyeol and gives him a questioning and slightly worried look.

"What?" Chanyeol blurts out, his eyes looking at the drink Jongdae placed on the table.

"The last time I saw you like this was when you and Baekhyun broke up," Jongdae goes straight to the point. Chanyeol winces, leaning back on the seat as if it would soften the blow. "Who's heart are you breaking this time?" He smiles a little to try to make the situation lighter.

"Baekhyun broke up with me, remember?" Chanyeol counters with a frown.

Jongdae scoffs. "Please," he remarks. "The person who breaks off the relationship normally doesn't announce that they were the ones who did the dumping. I don't think anyone really likes to be the heartbreaker."

"I'm not breaking up with him," Chanyeol tries to explain. He plays with the creases on his pants, not knowing what else to do with his hands. "Not really. Just..." He hesitates and stops speaking, looking out of the window instead. He's not entirely sure what he's doing. He's not even sure if he knew what he's been doing this entire time.

In their relationship, Jongin was the one who took the lead. Chanyeol let him because Jongin was the one who was more resolute on things. Jongin had known what he wanted to study before he got into university. He knew what he wanted to be at a very young age. Jongin knew what to do on their dates, knew what they would both enjoy doing, knew how the relationship was going to progress. And Chanyeol... Chanyeol just wanted to be happy, to feel loved, and Jongin never failed to make him feel that. Chanyeol had shifted to history because Jongin said he was good at that and that he would enjoy it. Chanyeol joined the university school paper to do graphics because Jongin told him he had talent, even when he'd already refused Joonmyun's and Jinri's pleas. Chanyeol even focused more on music because Jongin thought he was cool when he played the guitar. It was always because of Jongin, the things that Chanyeol did, and he saw nothing wrong with that. Jongin was like the lighthouse that guided him safely back home. Jongin was home.

And now he's not sure he ever really knew that that was. If he even really knew what happiness was, if he knows what he wanted to do with his life. Chanyeol enjoys history, sure, he really loves it. But he's not sure if he's only grown to love it because Jongin said so or because Chanyeol really does. When Jongin left, everything he thought he was sure of were suddenly up in the air. He didn't know what or who he was anymore.

"Is it that guy?" Jongdae hedges, pushing the drink closer to Chanyeol. "The one with the..." He scrunches up his nose, jostling his glasses slightly and Chanyeol has the sudden urge to lean forward to fix it for him. Chanyeol doesn't move. "...Heart of the Ocean in his pants?"

Chanyeol bursts into laughter that startles Jongdae. He'd mentioned that to Kyungsoo once and Kyungsoo had just smirked and had pushed Chanyeol against the fridge. Kyungsoo then brought Chanyeol's hand down to Kyungsoo's crotch, which was bulging and hard, and said, "Want to see how hard the Heart of the Ocean is?" Chanyeol remembers going down to his knees to find out and he immediately sobers at the memory.

"I just want..." Chanyeol starts and sighs, cupping the drink with both of his hands. "I don't think Kyungsoo and I want the same things. At least I thought we did, but now I think that's not true. And I want to be fair to him." Chanyeol thinks he wants to be fair to himself, too.

"Well, breaking up seems like a good idea then," Jongdae encourages, although it's awkward, because breaking up is always hard. "I mean, you clearly think it would be what's best for both of you. I mean that's what I thought when I broke up with my ex, although maybe I was doing it more for myself than for him."

"What do you mean?" Chanyeol asks, interested as he glances around at the cafe to check if Kyungsoo had arrived.

"Well, let's just say I loved him more than he loved me," Jongdae summarizes in amusement. "I thought it would be okay at first, that he would learn to love me as much as I did him. But he never did and it was just tiring. Anyway," he goes on with a flourish, leaning back on his seat and grinning, "his loss, right?"

Chanyeol nods, because really, why would anyone be stupid enough to let someone like Jongdae go? "I hope Minseok is treating you better then," he says. He's always wondered what Jongdae and Minseok's relationship was like.

Jongdae starts coughing so much that Chanyeol has to force Jongdae to drink his red concoction. Jongdae looks sheepish when he sees that he's drunk half of it. "I'll make you a new one," he promises when he drink some more.

"Are you okay?" Chanyeol is so concerned because Jongdae was red in the face and looked like he was gasping for air.

"Minseok and I aren't dating," Jongdae answers, his gasps turning into laughter. He starts giggling again when Chanyeol looks like he's been stunned. "He's straight, dating this girl in our class, Sunyoung." He laughs again. "I brought him to the movie because I didn't care for a date and he had nothing to do."

"So you're not dating?" Chanyeol asks, curious. He's never seen Jongdae with anyone, except Baekhyun, who seems to be really only his best friend, and Minseok, who is apparently straight. His eyes widen when Jongdae shakes his head. "Why not?" he wants to know.

"Because I haven't found what I've been looking for," Jongdae tells him with a shrug like it's the most obvious answer. "Like you haven't found what you're looking for."

"I'm not--" Chanyeol tries to deny, but there's movement in his peripheral vision and when he looks out of the window he sees Kyungsoo standing outside, watching him. Jongdae follows his line of sight and Kyungsoo looks at Jongdae as well.

Chanyeol stands up to go outside, but Kyungsoo shakes his head and points at his phone. Chanyeol shoves his hand inside his pants pocket and takes his own phone out. There's a message from Kyungsoo.

_We're okay. Don't worry._

When Chanyeol looks up, Kyungsoo is gone.

"Did he just... break up with you through a text message?" Jongdae sounds so scandalized that Chanyeol ends up laughing.

"No," Chanyeol assures him, smiling a little as he reads through Kyungsoo's message again. "We just didn't have to break up."

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were never really together so there was nothing to break off. They never spoke of their _arrangement_ and now they're not going to talk about stopping it. At least things were simpler with Kyungsoo, even if it became slightly complicated on Chanyeol's end. Chanyeol's going to have to face it at some point, him and his thing for having feelings. But, for now, he's just going to sit and demand a new Red Velvet drink from Jongdae.

Jongdae walks away laughing. In the back of Chanyeol's head, he can't help but think how nice of a sound it is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No one talks about Kyungsoo. Nobody talks about how Chanyeol has suddenly become more present during lunch, among other group gatherings, now that Chanyeol is single in the truest sense of the word. He hasn't seen anyone at all since Kyungsoo and it's refreshing and somewhat shocking for everyone to find Chanyeol always around.

"What are you even doing here?" Sehun asks, while Zitao stares at him like he's from another planet.

"What are you talking about?" Chanyeol throws the ball right at Sehun's face, which Zitao catches even when Sehun ducks. "I always play basketball with you guys." Zitao dribbles off with the ball towards Yixing and Lu Han.

"If you mean three months ago, then sure," Sehun agrees, rolling his eyes. " _Always_."

Chanyeol frowns as he watches Sehun jog up to Zitao, who's now shooting three point shots that he keeps on missing. Has it been that long? Well now, he has a lot of free time. He has no kind of relationship with anyone at this point. Only friendship. And friendship is good because it's safe.

"Hey," Jongdae appears by his side with an arm around his shoulders. "What are you doing all the way here?" He's dressed in his normal basketball gear, some baggy shorts and an oversized shirt that keeps falling off his shoulders.

"Nothing," Chanyeol says, taking Jongdae's collar and pulling it over his shoulder. "Why do you always dress like you're playing dress up with your dad's clothes or is this your seduction technique?"

Jongdae wiggles his eyebrows up and down, his smile pulling up into the most seductive smile he's seen on Jongdae's lips. Something lurches in Chanyeol's gut that he stomps down. "Is it working?" he purrs.

Chanyeol makes a face and shoves him away from him. "You're going to have to do better than that," he snorts. "I don't get seduced by tiny people who play grown up."

Jongdae huffs, affronted, and then jumps on Chanyeol's back, his arms wrapped around Chanyeol's neck, legs around his waist. "I'm am going to squeeze the life out of you until you get seduced," he declares, making the others look up at them.

Chanyeol coughs and tries to untangle Jongdae's arms around his neck, while making sure they don't fall over and that Jongdae doesn't get hurt. "This is sexual harassment," he tells him, choking on Jongdae's arms.

"Everything to you is sexual," Jongdae retorts, tightening his hold him as Chanyeol wobbles around the court.

"Maybe you can squeeze all the perversion out of his body," Sehun suggests from the other side.

"Shut up!" Chanyeol growls at him. Of course Sehun just laughs. "Jongdae, if you fall and you get hurt, I don't--"

Jongdae suddenly lets go and drops to the ground. Chanyeol looks at him with watery eyes, relieved but wondering at the sudden release. "Don't worry about me," Jongdae assures him with a small smile as he walks over to the others in the middle of the court. "I'll be fine."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol flops down on the couch beside Jinri, who's busy and seriously typing a paper on her laptop. Joonmyun is sitting across her, also busy, reading through the presentation that he has for the next day. There are empty mugs of coffee on the circular table of the cafe. Chanyeol had been hoping they wouldn't be busy with homework so he can slack off his, as well. For some reason, he just wants to do nothing that afternoon. He just wants to kind of just sit around and stare at nothing. But that's hard to do when his two nerdy best friends are engrossed with their own work.

"You guys are boring," Chanyeol mutters to no one in particular as he takes off his cap and puts it on the table. He runs a hand through his hair to make sure it's not sticking up.

"We're students who have homework," Joonmyun responds without even looking at him. Chanyeol pouts. "Just like you."

Chanyeol sighs, but takes his books out so he can get started on homework. Might as well get it out of the way so he won't have to worry about it later. He's pretty sure that Joonmyun and Jinri will still be doing homework when they get back to the apartment anyway. Sometimes they're both too focused on their work.

He's in the middle of composing his essay when two mugs of steaming coffee are placed on their table, along with the sound of a sneeze. Chanyeol looks up to find Jongdae, giving him a smile as he wipes his hands down on the front of his light blue apron.

"Thank you so much, Jongdae," Jinri gushes, pausing in her typing to drink her coffee. Joonmyun does the same.

"Where's _my_ coffee?" Chanyeol demands with mock hurt when Jongdae leaves with a chuckle.

"You don't even drink coffee," Joonmyun says, rolling his eyes. "If this is your way of--"

"Frozen Hot Nutella," Jongdae announces his return by place the exact drink he'd made for Chanyeol in the past. "Because you don't drink coffee and you like sweet things."

"Like you," Chanyeol grins as he remembers their exchange. Jinri raises her eyebrows, while Joonmyun coughs into his fist.

"But you can't have me," Jongdae chuckles and shakes his head. Chanyeol laughs and it's nice, this easy banter. It's always been easy with Jongdae, like he doesn't have anything to prove or anything to do in particular in fact. He can just be Chanyeol and it's okay. "What time will you be done?"

"What time does your shift end?" Chanyeol returns, flipping through his book before looking back up at Jongdae, who smiles.

"In 30 minutes," Jongdae answers, fixing the knot of his apron. "I'll come get you when I'm done."

"Sure," Chanyeol says, giving him a thumbs up like an idiot, which is somehow effective in making Jongdae laugh. It gets cut off with another sneeze. "Are you okay?" he asks. He puts his pen down to grab Jongdae's wrist and pull him closer to feel his forehead. "Are you getting sick?"

"I'm fine," Jongdae takes his wrist back and waves him off. "I'll see you in a bit."

"See you in thirty," Chanyeol confirms, frowning a little.

Jongdae waves and grins at Jinri and Joonmyun before going back behind the counter and taking the order of a girl who just walked in. When Chanyeol's eyes leave Jongdae, he finds Jinri and Joonmyun looking at him questioningly. "What?" Chanyeol asks, face turning red for some reason.

"Are you two going somewhere?" Jinri wants to know, paper forgotten.

"We're having an Iron Man movie marathon in his apartment," Chanyeol tells them, going back to his essay. Jongdae had mentioned that he was having one when they were hanging out the other day and asked if Chanyeol wanted to join him. Of course Chanyeol said yes. Why would he say no to an Iron Man movie marathon? "We're ordering pizza so don't worry about me having dinner. He also likes pepperoni so it's great." He grins as he continues with his essay.

"Really," Joonmyun replies with a smile. He's put his report down on his lap and has resorted to watching Chanyeol intently. Even Jinri has stopped doing her homework. "You and Jongdae are hanging out a lot these days."

"Yeah because Jongdae is actually fun," Chanyeol tells him, still focused on his essay. "He's interesting to talk to and he's funny. We can just sit and talk and laugh at everything. He's cool. Unlike you two who keep on making out every second of the day."

"Oh, aren't we due for one now?" Jinri asks as she and Joonmyun exchange a glance.

"Please don't--" Chanyeol immediately says, but it's too late. Joonmyun has already leaned across the table and is cupping Jinri's face for a long kiss. "You guys are disgusting!" He loves his best friends but there isn't a day where he wonders why he ever stayed friends with them.

It's a welcome sound when Jongdae arrives and tells Chanyeol that he's ready, now in just a simple black shirt and jeans. He's still wearing black frames over his eyes, but Chanyeol can see the way his eyes widen at the sight of his two best friends macking at each other. As the minutes had passed, the joke turned into a full blown make-out session, Jinri having transferred onto Joonmyun's lap. Chanyeol had tried to block out the sounds and had even attempted to move to another table, but there was nowhere he could transfer to.

"Oh good you're here!" Chanyeol makes a show of getting up and packing his things, stacking his books on top of the other loudly so that it hopefully interrupts their rhythm. He even kicks the table as he wears his cap, almost toppling the mugs over if Jongdae hadn't caught them, and even _accidentally_ trips on Joonmyun's chair as he leaves.

"Have fun you two," Jinri calls and Chanyeol doesn't even bother responding. Instead, he grabs Jongdae's wrist and hurries out of there.

"Your friends really have the hots for each other," Jongdae laughs as soon as they're out and Chanyeol's drops his wrist.

"They're disgusting," Chanyeol mumbles, repressing a shudder. Jongdae just laughs even louder. "They're always like this. They do it just to tease me because they know I'll just take it because I love them both."

"Must be nice to have been friends for so long," Jongdae tells him, squinting to the left and then to the right before they cross the road.

"It is," Chanyeol agrees, grabbing onto Jongdae's sling bag because he's walking too fast and Chanyeol's weirdly afraid that Jongdae might walk ahead too fast and they'd get separated or that Jongdae's going to trip and hurt himself. "Good thing I'm not into girls," he chuckles.

"I thought that wasn't a problem?" Jongdae walks beside him, looking up and squinting again because the sun's on his face.

Chanyeol chuckles. "I had a bit of a crush on her back in the day," he shares. "I mean, really, she's pretty."

"Incredibly," Jongdae agrees, tripping over Chanyeol's feet when he shuffles too close.

"Are you okay?" Chanyeol asks as he grabs Jongdae's arm to steady him.

They're walking out in the sun and it's nice because even if the sun's rays are hot, it's windy and quite cool. Chanyeol even unzipped his sweater when they stepped out to let the wind seep into his clothes, shifting his bag on his shoulder. Jongdae, however, looks like he's feeling cold with the way he shivers.

"I'm fine," Jongdae quips before Chanyeol can even say anything. But he kind of shrinks into himself as if he could avoid the wind that way. Chanyeol sighs but doesn't say anything as he takes off his jacket and drapes it over Jongdae's shoulders. Jongdae looks up at him in surprise, pausing in his steps.

"It's hot," is all Chanyeol says before he's going on his way, even though he doesn't really know the way to Jongdae's apartment. He tries not to smile when Jongdae's caught up with him and he's wearing Chanyeol's jacket, zipped up all the way to his neck with his hands disappearing under the sleeve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jongdae's apartment is similar to the one he's living in with Joonmyun. It has two bedrooms and a kitchen with a slightly more spacious living room. That, and their flat screen is bigger because Joonmyun really can't be bothered with having a big TV because he says they're there to study anyway.

"Baekhyun is out," Jongdae announces as he makes his way to the kitchen, not even bothering to take Chanyeol's jacket off.

Chanyeol just stands by the counter, watching Jongdae open the fridge and take out a pitcher of juice. Jongdae puts it on the counter and reaches on one of the top shelves to get two glasses. Chanyeol pushes himself off the counter to help. He makes Jongdae stand still as he gets the glasses himself and pours juice on one glass and some warm water on the other. Jongdae frowns at him when Chanyeol hands him the water.

"You're sick," Chanyeol tells him firmly. "You can't drink cold drinks."

Jongdae sighs and takes his glass to the living room. So he can put the DVD in and prepare the sofa. But, again, Chanyeol takes over because really, Jongdae looks like he just wants to curl up in bed.

"You should have said something," Chanyeol says, chiding him a bit when they settle down on the couch as the Iron Man starts. "We could have done this another day."

"But I've been looking forward to this," Jongdae retorts, a bit whiny, which makes Chanyeol laugh. "Besides, it's Iron Man. I can't miss it." He lifts the collar of Chanyeol's sweater so he can hide half of his face in it.

Chanyeol sighs. "Where are your blankets?" he asks as he gets up to look for them.

"Chanyeol, I'm really okay--first door on the left down the hall," Jongdae answers when Chanyeol shoots him a glare. "That's my room."

Chanyeol opens Jongdae's room and sees a very neat room, books neatly stacked, papers on the table in folders, bed made, and there are no clothes lying around. What a joy it must be to have him as a roommate. Chanyeol should make a mental note to scold Joonmyun again for his clothes-shedding habit. He takes the top blanket, as well as a pillow and goes back into the living room, where Jongdae is engrossed in the movie, despite shivers racking his body.

"You should really rest," Chanyeol repeats as he kneels beside Jongdae and wraps his blanket around him like a mini burrito.

"I'm fine," Jongdae insists, jerking his head backwards when his glasses get jostled. Chanyeol takes it off for him because Jongdae needs to be as comfortable as he can get and places the pillow behind his upper back and head. "You're taking care of me anyway." He then eyes Chanyeol warily, leaning back a bit. "I hope you're not thinking of taking advantage of me. I know I'm sick but I'm still hot and irresistible."

Chanyeol snorts. "You're hot alright," he sighs when he feels Jongdae's forehead again. "And this is not by choice, by the way, me being here," Chanyeol responds, rolling his eyes when Jongdae grins at him. "I'm a very mean, very bad person. I don't like taking care of people."

Jongdae chuckles. "Could've fooled me," he says as he wiggles in his blankets, looking warm like he has all afternoon. "Now, shut up. We're missing the movie."

Chanyeol rolls his eyes again because Jongdae seems like he becomes such a baby when he's sick. All throughout the movie, Chanyeol sends him furtive glances just to make sure that he's comfortable or if there's anything he needs. Jongdae almost always catches Chanyeol and earns him a weak slap on the arm because he's being too worrisome.

They're about 3/4 into the movie when Chanyeol feels Jongdae's head hit his shoulder. He looks to his right and sees Jongdae asleep, cutely cocooned in his blankets. Sighing, he shifts closer to Jongdae and slides down a bit so he can rest Jongdae's head more comfortably on his shoulder. When he does, Jongdae kind of nuzzles into Chanyeol's shoulder and snuggles into him, making Chanyeol stiffen for a second because there's that swooping sensation in his stomach again before he chooses to ignore it. Jongdae is sick and Chanyeol isn't going to stop himself from taking care of Jongdae and making him more comfortable. So he wraps his arms around Jongdae and pulls him in closer.

Chanyeol doesn't realize he's fallen asleep until he jerks awake to a dark living room. The television has been turned off when he forces himself to wake up more. When he shifts in place, he realizes he's lying down on the couch. With his arms around Jongdae and Jongdae's head resting on his chest.

His heart beats faster for reasons Chanyeol doesn't understand. This is quite a compromising position but, for the first time, it's not because of a passionate evening. It's just because he's helping out a friend and that makes Chanyeol feel quite good about himself. It's been a while since he's actually hung out with friends and took care of them. Not that his friends actually need taking care of because they have their significant others to do that. The point is Chanyeol's happy like this. He likes not having the complications of a relationship and sleeping around.

Jongdae mutters something inaudible in his sleep, cuddling towards Chanyeol more, and Chanyeol just smiles and lets him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The apartment is silent when Chanyeol walks in. He pauses for a second after he closes the door, listening for any sounds of life. When he doesn't hear any, he slips off his shoes and makes his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He's very thirsty after such a night and wants to drink something refreshing and maybe get something to eat. He didn't get to eat last night either. His hand is already on the fridge handle, about to open it, when there's a clearing of throat from the doorway. Chanyeol whips around in surprise, almost slipping with his socks, and sees Joonmyun with his arms crossed.

"You're up early," Chanyeol breaks the awkward silence with his booming voice and big grin. The way Joonmyun doesn't even change his straight-faced expression means he isn't impressed.

"It's almost nine in the morning, Chanyeol," Joonmyun asks, pressing his lips together in a line. "Where have you been? I thought you were done with this."

"You sound strangely like my dad," Chanyeol retorts, deciding against getting and drink and moving to leave the kitchen.

"Jinri's been worried sick about you," Joonmyun relays, voice sharp as he grabs Chanyeol's arm to stop him from leaving. They've never really fought before since Joonmyun has infinite patience, especially with Chanyeol. But if there's one person Joonmyun would get mad for or would get into a fight for, it's Jinri. "She came over and wanted to wait up for you for some reason even though I told her that you were probably going to have dinner out as well. But she insisted and now you come home at this hour--"

"You knew that I was going to be with Jongdae," Chanyeol cuts him off, glancing at Joonmyun's bedroom, the door open. He hates making Jinri worry.

"But we didn't know you weren't coming home," Joonmyun replies, sighing. "Chanyeol, really, we understand that you're running away from having a relationship and falling in love but this, what you're doing, is not going to help. You're just going to hurt yourself and now, Jongdae, too."

"I wasn't with Jongdae like that if that's what you're implying," Chanyeol tells him, his eyes sharp and piercing as he looks straight into Joonmyun's. "He was sick and I had to take care of him because Baekhyun wasn't home."

There's silence where Joonmyun's expression softens and Chanyeol's anger simmers down. They were never really one for fighting with each other. Joonmyun and Jinri are a part of his family and there's no way that Chanyeol would ever want to anger or disappoint them.

"Sorry, I just thought--" Joonmyun bites his lower lip and shakes his head. "I shouldn't have assumed."

"I should have called," Chanyeol tells him his apologies as well. "Is Jinri okay?"

"I forced her to go to bed at around 3AM," Joonmyun shares, smiling a little. "Don't worry about it."

"She worries about me, how could I not worry?" Chanyeol mutters. He walks back into the kitchen and sits on one of the chairs.

"Is Jongdae okay?" Joonmyun asks, taking a seat beside Chanyeol.

"He's fine, drank a lot of cold drinks at his job at the cafe, which got him sick," Chanyeol tells him, shaking his head and chuckling when he remembers how Jongdae kept on cuddling closer to him during the movie to keep the cold away. "He's a dumb one."

"One that you like, I think," Joonmyun comments with a chuckle.

Chanyeol stares at the counter, not wanting to look at Joonmyun in the eye after that statement. "Yeah, well, we're friends," he says. "What's not to like."

"Chanyeol," Joonmyun starts and his voice is gentle again and Chanyeol really doesn't want to hear this.

"It's not like that," Chanyeol blurts out before Joonmyun can say anything more. "It... it can't be like that."

"Like what?" Joonmyun asks, patient as ever, that soothing lilt more evident in his tone.

"Like what you're thinking," Chanyeol stammers, clasping his hands together on the countertop, still not looking at Joonmyun. He knows what he's implying and it's really not like what Joonmyun thinks. It can't.

"And what am I thinking, hmm? Since you seem to know it better than I do," Joonmyun presses and Chanyeol knows what he's doing, but it's working. Joonmyun just knows him so well.

"Jongdae is a friend," Chanyeol says it so softly that it's almost a whisper. "The first person I've let get close to me ever since... Either way, it doesn't matter. We are just friends."

Joonmyun doesn't say anything for a while and Chanyeol appreciates the silence. It's comforting when it's with Joonmyun because even if there are things Chanyeol would rather Joonmyun didn't know or find out, it's never awkward. He never makes Chanyeol feel judged or that he's being stupid. Joonmyun always understands him and he always listens and always tries so hard for Chanyeol to be okay and be happy.

"The first time I met Jinri I thought she was so boyish," Joonmyun starts. Chanyeol looks at him in surprise. "She was always so adamant about getting her way and doing things by herself, not asking for help, even when she knew she needed it. She laughed too loud and was such a guy's girl that I really never thought I'd end up liking her." He chuckles, soft and fond. "But then we became friends and I got to know her better. I didn't even realize until she confessed to me how in love I was with her."

Chanyeol holds his breath as Joonmyun meets his gaze. "What's your point?" he asks, swallowing, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

"My point is," Joonmyun elaborates, "that falling in love can be a fast process, like what happened with you and Jongin, or a slow one, like what _could be_ happening to you and Jongdae. The falling is inevitable sometimes, but it's up to you how it ends up. Are you going to crash or will let yourself get caught?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol and Jongdae carry on with their increasing closeness, seeing each other everyday, whether it's to study, play basketball or just hangout. Whenever Jongdae works at the cafe, Chanyeol would come by and study there instead or pester Jongdae to give him free drinks. Jongdae always grumbles when Chanyeol does this but Jongdae always gives him a free drink anyway, much to Chanyeol's delight. They've gone on an Iron Man trilogy movie marathon three times and have done a Batman trilogy movie marathon once. They're planning a Spider-Man marathon soon, but they're stuck in a discussion on which version they should watch: the Tobey Maguire or the Andrew Garfield one. It's a stupid argument but it's one that they have on a regular basis. That, and whether they should go to the Ed Sheeran concert on Friday or Saturday.

"I can't just skip my last class on Friday," Chanyeol repeats for what feels like the hundredth time. Even though he gets lazy every once in a while, he loves going to his classes and isn't going to skip going to one unless he was on his deathbed. Joonmyun and Jinri have witnessed this when they had to drag him back home when he became delirious with fever, seeing everyone as ferrets.

"And I can't just skip dinner with my brother on Saturday," Jongdae counters, yet again. Chanyeol has heard his argument countless of times weeks before the date but, until now, they haven't decided. "I haven't seen him in months and this is the first time he's been back from Japan in a while."

"You two are idiots," Sehun comments with so much disdain that Zitao laughs so much beside him.

"But..." Chanyeol whines and then trails off with a pout.

"It's just a class," Zitao offers in consolation. "Who knows when Ed Sheeran is coming back?"

"Yes! Exactly!" Jongdae raises his arms in the air. "It's _Ed Sheeran_ , Chanyeol. Besides, we've been talking about this for a long time."

"You only met like yesterday," Sehun says, staring at them, obviously exaggerating. Zitao laughs beside him, yet again.

"There's got to be a way you can move your dinner with your brother to lunch or something," Chanyeol asks, even though he's asked this before and knows what the answer is going to be.

"He has a meeting," Jongdae tells him and it all sounds very sad to Chanyeol because it really seems like he's going to have to give up his class. He moves closer to Chanyeol, wrapping his arms around his waist and kind of snuggles to him because he knows Chanyeol wouldn't push him away. For some reason, he's weak to Jongdae's charms. "C'mon, Chanyeol. Just this once," he pleads, eyes wide and imploring. Chanyeol sighs, a bit grudging because it isn't fair that Jongdae is so cute, and both Sehun and Zitao display eerily similar smirks on their faces.

"You're so whipped," Zitao and Sehun say at the same time. They look at each other and giggle like school girls.

"It's no wonder you two stayed friends after your break-up. You're both children of satan or something," Chanyeol mutters, shaking his head but not trying to shake Jongdae off. He glances down at Jongdae, who still hasn't stopped batting his eyelashes at him, and takes another deep breath. "Fine," he mumbles, lifting an arm to put it around Jongdae and pat his waist.

"What?" Jongdae asks, smile growing on his face but still not letting go of Chanyeol.

"I said _fine_ ," Chanyeol repeats, making a face because he shouldn't be asked to repeat himself when it was annoying saying it the first time. "I'll miss my favorite Friday class and--"

"We're going to see Ed Sheeran on Friday!" Jongdae sort of laughs and sobs at the same time as he throws his arms around Chanyeol's neck this time. But that's not what startles Chanyeol. It's the fact that Jongdae kisses Chanyeol's cheek at the same time.

It's almost as if time freezes, with the way Jongdae's eyes widen a fraction more, terrified and embarrassed, and the way Sehun and Zitao whistle obscenely in the sidelines. Chanyeol's heart, meanwhile, is beating on overdrive because Jongdae's lips on his cheek... He touches his cheek as Jongdae opens his mouth to explain.

"Chanyeol, I--"

"How dare you kiss me without permission?" Chanyeol blurts out, trying to sound affronted and squishing back the overwhelming bubbling of _something_ in his chest and stomach. He never knew how to deal with butterflies. "Any boyfriend of mine always asks."

"Well I'm not your boyfriend so," Jongdae retorts, smirking when he recovers from what his done, clearly relieved. "I don't have to ask permission, do I?" His smirk widens, wiggling his eyes up and down.

"A big flirt," Chanyeol comments, shaking his head in feigned resignation. "That's what you are. How do you exist like this?"

"I'm god's gift to man, that's how," Jongdae continues, grinning as he slinks closer to Chanyeol. Chanyeol tries hard not to swallow in nervousness. "You gonna do something about it?" He snickers. "I bet you wouldn't even if you could."

"Helloooo, we're still here," Zitao announces, but neither Chanyeol nor Jongdae pay him any attention.

Chanyeol looks at Jongdae pretending to throw himself at him and he wonders... _What if?_ He throws caution to the wind and leans closer to Jongdae until his lips are grazing the corner of Jongdae's mouth. The curl on the corner of his lips are very pretty especially up close. "You couldn't handle it if I did something about it," he whispers, smiling when Jongdae stills.

"I think I'm going to throw up," Sehun chokes and grabs Zitao by the back of his collar. "Let's go, Zitao."

Realizing that they have an audience and are actually in public and that this is Jongdae and that he is Chanyeol, he grabs caution back and squeezes it in his hand. He leans back, keeping the teasing smile on his face, and tries hard not to react to the way Jongdae's eyes are watching him closely. "How's that?" he asks and laughs when Jongdae just sits there because Chanyeol's heart feels like it's going to drum itself out of his chest.

It takes another second and then Jongdae is laughing and slapping Chanyeol's arm. "I may have underestimated you," Jongdae declares, looking Chanyeol up and down with some sort of assessment. "I'm going to have to watch my back."

_Me too. I'll have to watch my back, too,_ Chanyeol thinks to himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ow!" Jongdae hisses when another person steps on his foot. He takes a step back and hits Chanyeol's chest. "Did you know it was going to be this packed?" he yells over the noise as they squeeze through people to look for the closest good enough spot to the stage.

"Well it _is_ Ed Sheeran," is all Chanyeol says because there are really too many people and Jongdae's going to get trampled if he isn't careful. He puts both his hands on Jongdae's shoulder and carefully steers him through the crowd to the spot a bit of a distance away, making sure no to trample on anyone sitting or lying down on the way. "You okay?" he asks.

"I'm going to need to ice my feet after all of this is over, I think," Jongdae complains, grabbing onto Chanyeol's hands until Chanyeol's practically back-hugging their way towards the stage.

Chanyeol hopes Jongdae doesn't feel the jump of his heart and just continues walking. "I'll help you," he promises.

When they finally reach their spot, the lights on the stage suddenly come alive and everyone, all the people lounging around on the grass, suddenly scrambles to their feet. Jongdae gets pushed further onto Chanyeol's back and Chanyeol wraps his arms around Jongdae to protect him from all the elbows in the vicinity. Jongdae doesn't seem to mind because he rests his back against his chest.

Ed Sheeran opens with Give Me Love and Chanyeol feels Jongdae bristle with excitement. Jongdae grabs Chanyeol's hands with are clasped together on his tummy and kind of jumps up and down a bit like a little kid. No matter how much Jongdae denies or doesn't talk about music as much as Baekhyun did, Chanyeol knows that Jongdae is passionate about it as well. Sometimes, when Jongdae thinks no one is listening or when he thinks Chanyeol hasn't arrived yet, Chanyeol catches him singing snippets of songs. It's amazing how Jongdae, who appears just one of those tiny, cute sassy guys, is incredibly talented and amazing, _and_ humble about it. Chanyeol can see this with the way Jongdae always lets Baekhyun sing during their gigs and very rarely takes the microphone.

This time, though, Jongdae doesn't care about singing loudly, even raising his hands up in the air, swaying to the melody. Chanyeol, himself, gets carried away and sings along to the songs as well. At one point, Jongdae looks up at him and tells him to raise a hand up in the air, too, and Chanyeol can't say no even if he feels awkward doing it. He keeps his other arm around Jongdae's waist. Because, you know, elbows.

Somewhere in between U.N.I., Lego House, and A Team, Jongdae takes off his jacket and ties it around his waist because he feels too hot, leaving him with a simple light gray checkered button up. Chanyeol takes his hands and arms back to his sides, suddenly unsure where to put them since they've been around Jongdae's waist since even before the concert started. HIs heart almost jumps to his throat at the thought, but he can't even begin to chide himself for being _tooclose_ because he just can't. Not right now anyway.

Just when he decides to shove his hands in his own jacket's pockets, Jongdae turns to look down and the back at Chanyeol like he's looking for something. Chanyeol swallows nervously, but not with displeasure, when Jongdae grabs Chanyeol's hands with a smile at him and wraps Chanyeol's arms around his waist again. Chanyeol hears him hum with contentment when he's nestled against Chanyeol's chest once more. Chanyeol is too distracted with the way he can feel Jongdae singing because they're pressed so close together that he doesn't even hear when the first few notes of Kiss Me are played until Jongdae kind of squeals with excitement.

Ed Sheeran leans towards the mic as he continues strumming the opening notes. "If you're here with your loved ones, hold them close," he says. "Or if you're with someone special and… want to say something, now's your time. You can thank me after the concert."*

There are cheers and some scattered applause before, everywhere around them, couples start wrapping themselves around each other, some even begin kissing. Chanyeol holds his breath because it almost feels like he didn't get the memo that the one he should go with to the concert is someone he can actually kiss. Jongdae doesn't move in his embrace and Chanyeol isn't sure whether he should withdraw his arms or just... stay. No matter what everyone says about them, no matter what observations their friends have, he and Jongdae are very good friends and Chanyeol isn't ready to screw that up. In spite of what the thumping of his heart might think.

As the first words of the song come out of Ed Sheeran's mouth, Jongdae slowly, tentatively, places his hands on top of Chanyeol's clasped ones on his tummy. Chanyeol lifts his fingers, unsure if this is even the right thing to do, entangles them with Jongdae's and wraps his arms tighter around him.

Chanyeol wishes he can catch his breath. Except it doesn't get any better after that. Ed Sheeran performs Fall and then This and it's almost like the songs (because it can't be Ed himself) are trying to tell him something. Or them? Chanyeol isn't sure if Jongdae is even thinking about any of this because it's possible that Jongdae is just getting into the moment. Meanwhile, Chanyeol's brain is a mess because this is exactly what he's been telling himself he doesn't want to get into. He's not a relationship guy anymore and if anything happens between him and Jongdae, he'll be sure to screw it up. Chanyeol never knows how to handle boyfriends anymore. Case in point one: Baekhyun, two: Kyungsoo.

Maybe he shouldn't be thinking about this now, or at all. It could be nothing. Concerts can sweep people away and Ed Sheeran songs are especially good at that. This could mean nothing.

There's that tiny thought that pokes Chanyeol though. What if he already wants it to mean something?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's almost like nothing happened. He and Jongdae hang out like they always do, picking each other up from classes, having lunch together with their friends, going to the cafe and sometimes sleeping over at each other's apartments. But there's something amiss. Something has changed, although Chanyeol can't pinpoint exactly what it is. Jongdae is still always by his side, but there are moments when Chanyeol thinks he isn't there. It's like he's present but his mind is elsewhere. Or something. It's really strange and Chanyeol feels like he's probably just over thinking it.

"You guys are weird," Joonmyun speaks up the moment Jongdae excuses himself to go to the bathroom, pointing at Chanyeol.

"Did something happen?" Jinri wants to know, nodding in agreement.

"What do you mean?" Chanyeol asks, trying to breathe evenly to ease his panic. Joonmyun and Jinri noticing something's different is definitely a good sign.

"I don't know what it is," Joonmyun says, tapping his chin with a finger. "I didn't notice it at first and, even so, I thought it was nothing. But it's been days now and it's still... weird."

Chanyeol just shrugs, not knowing how to explain it himself. "I don't know," he says. "I don't see anything wrong."

"He's quiet," Jinri muses, lower lip jutting out as she thinks. "And Jongdae is never quiet, not really. He's kind of like you. Except... you've been quiet these days, too." She straightens up and looks closely at Chanyeol. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Chanyeol rolls his eyes and then looks at the chicken on his plate. He hopes it's not obvious how he doesn't want to meet Jinri's eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Jongdae comes back, but doesn't sit back down. Instead, he picks up his bag. "I have to go," he says, smiling a little, frayed at the edges. "I just remembered that I have a... thing to do."

"Yeah sure," Chanyeol says, waving at him to tell him that it's okay. They were supposed to hang out after classes, maybe see a movie at the cinema. "Sure, your thing is important."

Jongdae looks at him for a second and it feels like it holds so many things. Chanyeol just grins at him. "See you tomorrow," he then says, smiling and waving at the three of them before leaving.

Chanyeol has his lips pursed together when he looks away from watching Jongdae walk away. He was kind of looking forward to be with him just them, thinking that maybe they could talk about whatever this thing that is happening. The concert was supposed to be fun for the two of them, and it was. Until _this_ happened.

"Thing?" Joonmyun repeats, eyebrows raised. "What thing?"

"I don't know," Chanyeol kind of snaps and sighs. "I don't know what's going on." He really wishes he did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol really hates parties and he really hates the color yellow. So when Lu Han shows up in his doorstep with Yixing, both wearing red, and telling him to wear the yellow shirt that he shoves onto Chanyeol's chest, he hates it even more. Anything Lu Han does he hates on principle, actually. But he wears it and goes to the party anyway because Jinri came by and saw them, saying that the color yellow looks good on Chanyeol (not really) and that a party would be good for him.

Now that he's here, he's just even more irritated because everyone is wearing either red, yellow or green shirts and it's all sorts of strange, like some cult.

"What the hell kind of party is this?" Chanyeol demands as they make their way to the drinks section.

"Stop light party**," Lu Han tells him with a grin that could end the world. He grabs a plastic cup and shoves it towards Chanyeol. "Have fun," he then tells him and disappears into the crowd with Yixing.

Chanyeol is stuck in a yellow shirt holding a red plastic cup. It's almost like a McDonald's advertisement. He could fit in well, too, if only he could smile. He looks around, lucky that he's a head taller than most people, hoping to find someone he knows. It shouldn't be too hard. A small smile finds his face when he spots Kyungsoo in a corner, red cup in hand and glaring at anyone who comes too close. He's wearing red shirt. The shirt thing has to end, Chanyeol can't help but grumble as he makes his way towards Kyungsoo.

"Why are you wearing a yellow shirt?" is the first thing that comes out of Kyungsoo's mouth as soon as he sees Chanyeol. His eyes are wider than usual and he looks confused.

"What is it with these shirts anyway?" Chanyeol wants to know. He stands beside Kyungsoo and they look through the dancing and rowdy bodies around them. "Why are _you_ wearing red?"

"Red means stop," Kyungsoo mutters and Chanyeol doesn't understand. "I would've thought you would be wearing red, too."

"I don't know," Chanyeol says, scrunching his nose. "I'd rather not be wearing any color from a stop light. This is insane. Are we supposed to wear red, green or yellow to this party?"

Kyungsoo looks at him, not saying anything for a couple of seconds before looking away and taking a drink. "You're still an idiot, I see," he says.

"Are you really surprised?" a new voice says. One that Chanyeol's too familiar with and one that makes Kyungsoo stiffen beside him.

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol greets when he finds his voice. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," Baekhyun, clad in a checkered black and yellow button up, returns, winking at him. He slides to Kyungsoo's other side and slings an arm around him. "Hey you," he purrs in Kyungsoo's ear. Chanyeol makes an ugly face of discomfort and steps back a bit.

"What are you doing?" Kyungsoo asks, tone clipped. He tries to push Baekhyun away, but Baekhyun clings to him like a koala.

"You're wearing red," Baekhyun says, pouting. He glances at Chanyeol. "He's wearing red, Chanyeol. You know it's bad to lie, Soo."

_Soo?_ "How do you two know each other?" Chanyeol asks, just to break the tension. Even he has a hard time breathing because of it.

"We have common interests," is Baekhyun's vague but sultry answer and Chanyeol decides not to ask what those interests are. He hopes those interests don't include nailing Chanyeol to the wall for what he did to them.

"Okay, great," Chanyeol says, finishing his drink. He thinks he should leave and find some other people he knows. It's too weird hanging out with his two "exes".

"Why are you wearing yellow, Chanyeol?" Baekhyun then demands, his eyes suddenly sharp and cutting when Chanyeol looks at him again. His hold on Kyungsoo slackens, but Kyungsoo doesn't even notice because even he is waiting for Chanyeol's answer. "I thought you were done with that."

"Done with what--" Chanyeol wants to know.

"You're here!" Jongdae comes barreling towards him out of nowhere, trips over his own feet, and falls into Chanyeol's arms. He giggles and hiccups when Chanyeol helps him stand straight. "Hi!" Hiccup. "Chanyeol." Hiccup.

"Are you drunk already?" Chanyeol asks, a smile forming on his lips because Jongdae looks cute and kind of fluffy like this. It also doesn't help that he hasn't seen Jongdae in a couple of days already, as Jongdae said he was busy with _stuff_.

"Drinking helps," Jongdae gurgles, still smiling at Chanyeol. He scratches on his collarbone, stretching the collar of his green t-shirt. He continues looking at Chanyeol's face for a few seconds before it drops down to his chest. "Yellow!" he suddenly yells. "You're wearing yellow!" He laughs and it's disconcerting because it doesn't sound like a happy laugh at all. At the end of it, it's almost like a sob. "Of course you are."

Baekhyun sighs and moves to grab Jongdae from Chanyeol. "C'mon, Dae, let me bring you upstairs," he offers.

"I'll do it," Chanyeol tells him, wrapping an arm around Jongdae's waist. It's an action so familiar to both of them that Chanyeol does it, he doesn't feel awkward about doing it and Jongdae just lets him.

"Are you sure?" Baekhyun's gaze is sharp again. Chanyeol wants to understand what that means.

"Sure," Chanyeol assures him just as Jongdae's lips press into a line. "You two have fun." He smiles a little as Baekhyun only too happily goes back to draping himself over Kyungsoo.

He slings Chanyeol's arm around his neck and carefully takes him upstairs and to one of the empty bedrooms. Chanyeol helps Jongdae climb on the bed and lie down, taking a seat on the edge of it as Jongdae closes his eyes.

The room they're in is simple, white and navy blue being the theme. The walls are white, the ceiling accented with some navy blue designed wood on the edges. It's nice and soothing and perfect for Jongdae who seems to have fallen asleep on the navy blue sheets. He looks younger like this and more relaxed than Chanyeol has seen him in the past few days. Chanyeol gets up to get him a glass of water when Jongdae stirs and opens his eyes.

"Where are you going?" Jongdae asks, voice rough. He shifts on the bed and sits up, rubbing his eyes.

"I'll get you a glass of water," Chanyeol tells him. "Just sleep some more and I'll come back."

"No," Jongdae calls to him when he opens the door. "Just stay. I'm fine."

Chanyeol sits back down on the edge of the bed, sighing. "You always say you're fine when you're really not," he tells Jongdae, chiding a little.

"I don't really want letting people know I'm not okay," Jongdae replies and it sounds so honest that Chanyeol reaches out lightly touch his calf.

"What's wrong?" Chanyeol asks and he watches as several emotions flicker through Jongdae's face. Chanyeol worries at what it could all mean.

"I don't know, Chanyeol. You tell me." Jongdae sounds sober, except he giggles after saying it. Chanyeol's still heart thuds in his ribcage, feeling it make his whole body vibrate with anxiety.

"What do you want me to tell you?" Chanyeol goes with it anyway. Jongdae starts playing with his fingers and Chanyeol reaches out to take one of them in his. Jongdae's hand is surprisingly cold and he squeezes it lightly, hoping he can help warm it up even for a bit. He knows how Jongdae hates being cold. "Jongdae, what do you want me to tell you?"

Jongdae stares at his hand in Chanyeol's for a couple of seconds before looking up to meet his eyes. "I want you to tell me what you're looking for," he says, tone demanding and somewhat defiant, taking Chanyeol aback. "I want to know what you keep searching for but keeping thinking that you can't find it."

"What--" Chanyeol wants to clarify but Jongdae continues on, moving closer to him, their hands still holding each other's. Jongdae is obviously still drunk and whatever this tirade is, it's probably due to his drunkenness.

"I want you to tell me why you keep looking everywhere else, why you keep sleeping with other people, people you don't even know because you don't want to care," Jongdae presses, voice increasing in volume. "Why don't you want to care, Chanyeol? Why do you keep pretending you don't look for love, that you don't want to love and be loved?"

"Jongdae, I think--" Chanyeol tries again because this is too much. They've never talked about though, although Chanyeol knows Jongdae knows enough. Jongdae has been there through Baekhyun and then through Kyungsoo. He understands and Chanyeol thought it was nice and felt safe that Jongdae's never asked or badgered him about it, unlike what he's doing now.

"Tell me, Chanyeol," Jongdae cuts him off, his face so close to Chanyeol's, Chanyeol can smell the beer on Jongdae's breath and can count his eyelashes and the little freckles that he has on the bridge of his nose. "Tell me why you see everyone, but you don't see what's right in front of you, don't see what you already have because you don't want it--"

"I don't understand--"

"Tell me why you don't see me!" Jongdae's heaving as he ends up yelling the last bit. He peers at Chanyeol, eyes vulnerable and a little wet. "Is it because you just can't? Or because you just really don't want me?" He hiccups once more and Chanyeol would think how cute it was again if he wasn't so stunned. "I can't believe you're wearing yellow." He pouts and drops Chanyeol's hand.

Chanyeol doesn't know what to say. Even if he does know what to say, he's not sure how to say it. What can he say to that kind of confession? A confession sounding so heartbroken, it wretches Chanyeol's own heart. He can't believe he didn't notice. He can't believe that he allowed this to happen. There's one thing he'd promised himself: that he wouldn't hurt Jongdae. Chanyeol cares about Jongdae so much he knew he couldn't do to him what he's done to the other nameless faces he's supposedly been with. The last thing he wanted is to rope Jongdae into his messes. Apparently, Chanyeol couldn't help it. He hurt Jongdae anyway.

But he _really_ doesn't want to.

"Jongdae," Chanyeol calls him, voice almost a whisper, and reaches for his hand again. Jongdae stares at their hands once more before looking up at his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't--I _don't_ want to hurt you." Jongdae tries to takes his hand back but Chanyeol tightens his grip. "You have to believe me. The last thing I want to do is hurt you."

"Well, you're hurting me now," Jongdae tells him, stopping his struggle and kind of just slumping into himself. He takes a deep breath. "I just don't understand," he says, echoing Chanyeol's thoughts. It seems that slightly inebriated Jongdae is less sassy and more honest and vulnerable.

"I don't know what to tell you," Chanyeol mutters, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He wishes he understood so he can make Jongdae understand. "It's hard to explain."

Jongdae pulls at Chanyeol's hand, dragging him closer. "Then just show me," he whispers.

Chanyeol inhales before he closes the gap between them and kisses Jongdae. His hands are shaking as he cups Jongdae's face because Jongdae is probably his closest friend after Joonmyun and Jinri and Chanyeol is kissing him. He's kissing Jongdae whose smile brightens up Chanyeol's day no matter how bad it is, Jongdae who never judges Chanyeol for his past and for anything that he does, who knows exactly the right words to say in any given situation, and who never fails to make Chanyeol laugh. Everything about Jongdae is good and, he thinks, perfect that Chanyeol is scared of ruining that with _this_. A kiss is either a tool for something great or a weapon for the worst. Chanyeol doesn't want to destroy what he has with Jongdae, not when he's scared he'll run away, not when he's scared he'll ruin it.

"Are you okay?" Jongdae whispers as he pulls away. He places his hands over Chanyeol's hands and pulls them down. "You're trembling."

Chanyeol's eyes flutter close when Jongdae reaches up and traces his face with his fingertips. It feels like Jongdae is memorizing every line and dip, and it feels sad somehow. But what Jongdae says next almost breaks Chanyeol's heart. "I'm not your boyfriend, Chanyeol," he says, voice breathy and shaky. "So you shouldn't be afraid to kiss me."

This time Jongdae initiates the kiss. He climbs onto Chanyeol's lap and straddles him as he wraps his arms around Chanyeol's neck. Jongdae's kisses taste like hope and heartbreak, not a good combination, but Chanyeol licks it clean from Jongdae's mouth because, maybe, he just wants Jongdae to feel love and nothing more. Maybe if he kisses Jongdae some more, Chanyeol can make him understand what he cannot and is too scared to say with words.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol opens the door wide enough to peek out and walks out only when he's sure the coast is clear. He closes the door to his room quietly before padding to the kitchen in just his sleep shorts and a plain black shirt. Chanyeol inhales a breath rather sharply when he sees Jinri and Joonmyun standing in the middle of the kitchen, preparing what looks like breakfast. He glances at the clock and grimaces. It's not barely 4:30 in the morning.

"Why are you two up so early?" Chanyeol demands, grabbing the carton of milk from the fridge and pouring himself a glass. "And Jinri, did you sleep here?"

Jinri waves at him dismissively, but smiles. "It's not like I haven't slept here before," she tells him, eyes bright with mischief. "Joonmyun and I are planning to get married in two years after all." She winks when Chanyeol's mouth hangs open.

"Did you propose and not tell me?" Chanyeol glares at Jinri's ringless hand. He shoots his glare at Joonmyun. "Did you propose without a ring?" He then glares at Jinri. "And you accepted? Without a ring?"

"Shut up, Chanyeol," Joonmyun says. He's smiling but Chanyeol stops talking.

"I know someone who hasn't slept here before," Jinri starts in a singsong voice and Chanyeol groans as he plops onto a seat. She stops what she's doing to give Chanyeol a knowing look. "What's Jongdae doing here?"

"You've never brought anyone back before," Joonmyun adds, and there's a very small but knowing smile on his lips that Chanyeol wants to smack away. It's already confusing as it is. His friends don't need to add to the mess of thoughts in his head.

"He got very drunk at the party," Chanyeol explains, his brain moving faster than his mouth so his speech comes out a bit garbled. "I couldn't find Baekhyun and someone had to take care of him."

"You could have left him at the party," Joonmyun points out and Chanyeol shoots him a _Really? You want me to leave him by himself, drunk at a party?_ look. "Understood," he chuckles with a nod. "You look worn out. Didn't you get any sleep?"

"We got back not even an hour ago, what do you think?" Chanyeol says. He buries his face in his hands and sighs. "You guys have to help me."

"With what?" Jinri asks. Chanyeol can hear the concern in her voice and presses his lips together. He hates making Jinri worry.

"I don't know what to do," Chanyeol answers, putting his hands down flat on the counter. He stares at them and remembers how Jongdae had held them and assured him that their kiss doesn't have to mean anything. Except... "We kissed," he blurts out. When Jinri and Joonmyun's faces remain impassive, he continues, "I mean I kissed him and then he kissed me and we just... kissed." He pulls at his hair, leaving it standing in every direction when he lets go. "What do I do?"

"I don't understand," Jinri says, frowning. "Isn't kissing already the answer? Why is there still a question?"

"Because I don't think he understands," Chanyeol says.

"Undersands what?" Jinri presses. She raises an eyebrow when Chanyeol gives her a helpless look. "Chanyeol, if this is still that crap about you not wanting a relationship--"

"Of course it's still that crap!" Chanyeol snaps. "It will always be that crap. Japan was supposed to be fun and yet it was where Jongin chose to tell me that he was leaving, and not just the country. Me. He was leaving me. Like I wasn't good enough to keep around even long distance."

"Chanyeol, that's not what--" Joonmyun tries to pacify him.

"I still remember what it was like having my heart crushed," Chanyeol interrupts again. "And while I haven't been in love with Jongin in a while, I'm still scared that eventually it will feel that way. I don't want to feel that way again. That's why I don't want relationships--"

"Chanyeol, stop," Jinri warns him.

"That's why I don't want to have anything with Jongdae," Chanyeol insists.

There's a beat of silence before Joonmyun sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, and Jinri smiles apologetically at someone behind Chanyeol. _It can't be._ He turns around and, sure enough, Jongdae is standing there, back in his own clothes, face filled with unbridled hurt.

"Sorry," Jongdae says in a controlled voice. He's looking at Jinri and Joonmyun. Not at Chanyeol. "I just wanted to thank you for letting me crash, but I should go home. Baekhyun's probably looking for me."

"Are you sure you're alright to leave by yourself?" Jinri asks. "Chanyeol can--"

"No thanks," Jongdae retorts, clenching his jaw and his fists. "I'm fine on my own." Without another word, he walks out of the kitchen and leaves the apartment.

Chanyeol stares at the space where Jongdae stood and wonders what he had just done. With the mess of his thoughts and his past, he had just singlehandedly destroyed what ever small thing he had with Jongdae. Sure, they'd kissed, but it wasn't nurtured and something that doesn't have stability is sure to crumble with even just a little shake. Chanyeol can't even blame what happened between him and Jongin. This was all him. He looks at Jinri, who looks so mad, he immediately straightens up to attention.

"If you don't get off your ass and run after Jongdae, I swear to god, I will crush your heart myself," Jinri threatens him.

Chanyeol doesn't need to be told twice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol steps out into a light drizzle, even though the skies are a clear dark blue, but runs down the road without bothering to go back for an umbrella. He tightens his jacket around him, which he had the good sense of grabbing before he went out, and hurries in the direction of Jongdae's apartment. At least that's where Chanyeol thinks he's going. Jongdae mentioned going home so he assumes that's where he's headed.

"What are you doing?"

Chanyeol twists around to find the source of the voice and the question. Jongdae is standing on the sidewalk, waiting for the light to turn green so he can cross the street. He's shivering in only his shirt and jeans and Chanyeol doesn't think twice about taking his jacket off and giving it to Jongdae even though it's also wet.

"I don't want your jacket," Jongdae pushes his hand and his jacket back towards him. "I don't want anything from you." He turns his back on Chanyeol and faces the street, hugging himself.

Chanyeol stands there, jacket in hand, unsure how to proceed. Jongdae is here and _he_ 's here, but nothing is happening. Chanyeol doesn't know what to do. He stares at the stop light, bright red shining against the darkness around them when it shifts to green. Jongdae takes a step forward to walk away, but Chanyeol's hand reaches out to stop him.

"The thing is," Chanyeol speaks, breathing heavy because he doesn't know what he's doing, "I want to give something to you anyway. Even if you don't want it. Just listen. You don't have to do anything else." Jongdae does respond, but just continues trying to get free from Chanyeol's hold on his arm. "I know I don't have a right to ask anything of you," he continues. "But, just this once..."

Chanyeol releases the breath he's been holding when Jongdae nods and says, "Let go of my arm. What is it?"

Chanyeol sinks both his hands in his jacket when he's let go of Jongdae. Jongdae is shivering but there's nothing he can do about that at the moment. "Two things," he answers. "The first is an explanation." He looks around. There is no one within a couple of feet. It's just the two of them and yet, Chanyeol doesn't feel alone. The way he feels when he's with Jongdae.

"Explanation about what?" Jongdae presses.

"About what you heard," Chanyeol says, hurrying when Jongdae's face shutters. "It's not what you think. Jongin leaving me really hurt me because he's my only serious relationship to date and I was broken when he left. You know how it feels when you've given it your everything and yet it's not enough." Jongdae nods. "It felt exactly like that and I just didn't want to go through it again because I didn't think I'd find it again."

"Because you don't want to." Jongdae's tone is reproachful and sad.

"But I did anyway," Chanyeol says, smiling a little when Jongdae startles at the words. "You didn't hear everything."

"I don't have to, Chanyeol," Jongdae says, shaking his head, probably shaking off the hope. "I see it in everything that you do, in everything, and I'm not blind. You don't want a relationship. You hang out with me everyday, take care of me when I'm sick, take care of me when I'm _not_ sick, hug me." His eyes are sad when he looks down at the pavement. But, even like this, under the rain, Jongdae still looks so beautiful. "But you don't want to have anything with me."

"I don't want to have anything with you, Jongdae," Chanyeol repeats and Jongdae flinches back that Chanyeol has to grab him and wrap his arms around him before he runs away. "But I want you, Jongdae. I want you and no matter how I try to deny it, no matter what I do," he hugs Jongdae tighter and presses his lips to Jongdae's wet hair, "I can't do anything about falling in love with you."

Jongdae manages to push Chanyeol away and half stares, half glares at him, probably to check if he's pulling his leg. When he's satisfied, he grabs the front of Chanyeol's shirt, pulling him closer before pushing him away. "You're an idiot!" he yells at Chanyeol, his voice echoes down the street in spite of the rain falling harder. "After everything, you tell me you're in love with me?"

"But I am," Chanyeol says, lower lip jutting out as he pouts. "You make me believe in love again."

"Oh my god," Jongdae groans. "Shut up."

"Hey, that's a good line," Chanyeol retorts. "I heard Joonmyun use it with Jinri and it worked."

"So is this it? This is how you're going to woo me and prove to me that all this time you've been in love with me, too?" Jongdae actually stomps his foot and Chanyeol finds it so cute. Jongdae is always so cute, even if he has a sassy mouth. "I'm not buying it. I'm not--what?" Jongdae cuts himself off when a big grin practically splits Chanyeol's face.

"You love me, too," Chanyeol says, grinning like a maniac. Jongdae opens his mouth but Chanyeol doesn't let him speak. "Ah, you already said it, you can't take it back."

"Of course I'm in love with you, you idiot," Jongdae grumbles, grabbing the front of Chanyeol's shirt again so he can pull him closer. "What do you think last night was about? I don't offer myself on a golden platter to just anyone."

"Really?" Chanyeol asks, brushing away the wet hair that's sticking to Jongdae's face. He leans closer, their breaths mingling with each other's in the cold early morning air. "Is that what that was?"

Jongdae's eyes are half closed when Chanyeol lets their lips brush against each other. "Aren't you going to ask for permission?"

"Does that mean I'm your boyfriend now?" Chanyeol asks, choking back a giggle and the giddiness that he feels. Jongdae feels so good in his arms and maybe now he can hold him like this without hesitation.

"Boyfriend or not, please shut up and kiss me now," Jongdae demands, grabbing the back of Chanyeol's neck and pressing their lips together.

This time Jongdae's kisses tastes like the morning dew and the beginnings of spring, full of relief and hope. Chanyeol kisses him back and hopes that Jongdae can taste how he feels about him. Chanyeol hopes Jongdae can feel just how much he's willing to do for him because he really does love him.

"You do taste sweet," Chanyeol murmurs in between kisses later on.

"And now you can have me," Jongdae tells him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It hasn't been long, only a couple of weeks, but Chanyeol feels like this is the happiest he's been in a while. All his concerns and confusion about not wanting relationships, about not wanting to fall in love, and about looking for it in all the wrong places seems trivial compared to what he now has with Jongdae. He's not sure why he made it so complicated when it was just so obvious. Maybe Chanyeol just needed to go through that to fully appreciate what he has now.

"You're thinking too much again," Jongdae mumbles as he nuzzles his face onto Chanyeol's neck. His eyes are closed and Chanyeol smiles because Jongdae is so cute like this.

"Is it so wrong for me to think too much about you?" Chanyeol asks, placing a kiss on Jongdae's forehead as he hugs him tighter.

Jongdae giggles and pulls away. "You are the worst," he says. "If I knew that you were this cheesy, I would have never--"

"You would have never what?" Chanyeol challenges him. "Please. You couldn't help it even if you tried."

"Oh, like what happened to you?" Jongdae teases, moving to lie back on the couch and pulling Chanyeol with him.

Chanyeol likes cuddling with Jongdae the most. Sure he likes the other benefits of being his boyfriend, like holding hands, the make-outs and, of course, the sex, but the cuddling seems to top all of that. Or maybe cuddling _with_ a bit of making out, he thinks, as Jongdae touches his face and guides it down so their lips can meet.

"What can I say? Your seduction techniques are A+," Chanyeol tells him in between kisses.

"Uh, we're right here." This time it's not Sehun who complains, but Lu Han. "I can't believe this is happening! What happened to courtesy!"

Chanyeol grins, but doesn't really care. He'd much rather kiss Jongdae because he's wasted so much time. Then again, it doesn't really matter anyway. He already sees clearly that they have many years ahead of them.

 

**End.**

 

 

 

 

_Notes:_  
* Ed Sheeran really did say this during the iTunes Festival last September 2, 2012.  
** The stop light party basically requires everyone attending to wear a shirt of the colors of the stop light. Red means you're seeing someone and unavailable. Yellow means you're single but may be willing for some action. Green means you're single.

 

 


End file.
